News6 mins ago
How Dairy!
28 Answers
I walked into a shop and the man at the till threw eggs, butter and a block of cheese at me! How Dairy!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling-film for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
Friend of mine was on a plane the other day flying back from Germany, when some sausages in a passenger’s luggage exploded.
She told me it really was the wurst case scenario
Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling-film for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
Friend of mine was on a plane the other day flying back from Germany, when some sausages in a passenger’s luggage exploded.
She told me it really was the wurst case scenario
Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us.
Answers
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A man is sitting in the pub when he hears a bowl of peanuts on the bar saying "Oooh, you really are amazing. Oooh, you are lovely."
Then the fruit machine shouted "Rubbish, look at the state of that haircut. And those socks don't go with those shoes."
The barman apologised. "I'm sorry," he said, "The nuts are complimentary but the fruit machine is out of order"
Then the fruit machine shouted "Rubbish, look at the state of that haircut. And those socks don't go with those shoes."
The barman apologised. "I'm sorry," he said, "The nuts are complimentary but the fruit machine is out of order"
Lol Tony ;-)
Here's the last one, then I'm off to make some dinner...
A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks."
The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth.
After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Incredulous, everyone buys him drinks.
Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman.
"I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Here's the last one, then I'm off to make some dinner...
A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks."
The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth.
After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Incredulous, everyone buys him drinks.
Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman.
"I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
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