Trusting People

[cymruambyth1]

Im not exactly sure what trusting someone actually is, but I know its something I find very hard to do. I feel a lot of this is to do with how badly my dad treated me when I was younger and how much he let me down. I had two very close friend who I felt I could trust but they were both male. One a while back told me he had feelings for me, and it near enough ended our friendship we now just talk occasionally, so then i just had the one true friend left and he has just done the exact same thing. I feel more comfortable around males as I grew up with three brothers and my mum was working a lot of the time. I just cant seem to find people who I can really trust and begrudge my other friends for letting me down and I feel like I should trust them but I cant. Anyone else have these problems?? I am 21 just incase this makes a difference. I know this is a long quesiton but something else that interests me is can you forgive and forget easily, I will never forgive my dad for the things he did but my friends so oh but he is your dad after all.

Thanks!

[mycats]

My dad is scum and let me down in the worst possible way. I dont trust anybody either. I've ended relationships because of this in the past.
I dont talk to him at all now, I think "why should |I forgive the things he has done?" If he was anyone else other than my father I wouldnt think twice about cutting him out of my life.
Just because they are family doesnt mean you have to forgive them.

[Neenee]

hi cymruambyth...

im wondering yhow you feel this way about your dad, i dont expect you to say it on a thread such as this.... but i guess that would help me understad why it is oyu fell this way as regards to your dad.

however, it takes a lot for me to trust someone too... and i really dont know what started me doubting everyone around me. i cant seem to think back to what triggered it all off.... nothing really bad has happened to me, but yet it take a lot for me to fully trust a person. I only have 2 friend swho i call a proper friends and i can trust bth her and him100%. we have shared many things together and i know i can fully trust them. apart from that my other friends, of which i have many, are friends, great friends actually, but wouldnt dare tell them some of the things that i would my 2 very close friends who i trust 100%.

as regards forgive and forget..... i fins i frgive to make life easier, but as for forgetting, its something that i find myself having to deal with at the back of my mind at all times.

hope this answers your question a little.

if you would like to chat about any of this on yahoo or via email, im on :

[email protected] :-)

[cymruambyth1]

I was with my partner for 4 and a bit years and I trusted him so much and he understood me and helped me through a lot. It was difficult at times but we got through it. We have just recently split up, it wasnt a bad break - up, we just decided we were too young to be tired down. So i have lost another person who I trusted, we are still friends but its not the same anymore. As for the broken friendship it mostly happened over 4 years, he took the whole 4 years to tell me and he just freaked out and said he couldnt basically face talking to me anymore, we have the same friends so I still see him, and we both had partners, but he can never decide what he wants.

With my dad, he was a very violent man, alcoholic and gambler and did various things to screw up the family and has never paid any money to our up keep and my step- dad is no better really.

Thanks for the advice guys it all helps. i am just trying to understand things really.

[noxlumos]

All I can say with regards to your Dad is, don't forgive him for him, forgive him for YOU because carrying around resentment, hate, hurt and anger isn't damaging him one little tiny bit, it's making your life difficult.
My father beat, burned, cut and battered me when I was very little and it resulted in my skull being fractured at least twice ( which my parent sought no medical help for at the time) and has left me with brain injuries that have made it hard to control my temper and all sorts of other weird anomalies that I won't bore you with, but they have a day to day effect on me, and I carried round all the loathing in the world for that man until I realised it was only my own life I was destroying and I set about understanding him as much as I could and finally managed to forgive him and with that went a huge great truckload of my baggage and lots of areas in my life ( including trust) became a whole lot easier.Just because you forgive doesn't mean you have to like him or interact with him in any way, it just means you are free of his influence over you.If you can do it, I really heartily recommend it, it pretty much saved my quality of life.