ChatterBank1 min ago
Control Freaks
2 Answers
I am a control freak. It's been a shock to recognise and I do hurt alot of people around me. I'm searching the internet for some kind of "Contol Freaks- How To Break Free!" sort of page but all I can find is "How to deal with the Control Freak in Your Life" "How To Annoy Your Control Freak".............
I have been told I am a Type 1 control freak:
Type 1 Control Freaks: The Type 1 control freak is strictly attempting to cope with their anxiety in a self-absorbed way. They just want to feel better and are not even very aware of you. You will notice and hear their agitation and tentativeness. They usually do not make much eye contact when they are talking to you.
my point is: i want to change. I'm going to talk to my counsellor but I can't see her for two weeks. anyone got any suggestions for how to begin living more harmoniously until then?
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Its brilliant that you have been able to identify something you want to change and that you are so determined to make a difference to your life.
The thing is with people who use control to solve problems is that when they are faced with a dilema they will then try and control it to the nth degree. And I think that's what your doing now by rushing to make changes in the next two weeks. Its clear that you are very motivated to change but you will need to make changes step by step.You've made the first and most important step successfully by deciding to change, but in my experience, people who rush to make changes too quickly tend to relapse when faced with unsolvable problems or take too big a leap at the beginning and revert to type when it doesn't succeed
How about this for the next step. Why not watch yourself very closely, noticing all the times you manage not to do the control freak thing? Notice the small things, like when you ARE aware of other people despite the fact that you feel anxious, or when you DO make eye contact with other people when you are talking to them, then make a mental note to yourself to remind you that not only do you want to change, but sometimes you do the right thing despite the problem. This will help you to be more confident that you can be different, and you may already have some of the skills you need!!
About 'living more harmoniously' - it sounds like other people are on your case. Ask them to be patient, tell them that you have made a breakthrough but it takes time to be different, say sorry when you mess up and really mean it. and don't give yourself a hard time if you make a mistake.
Hope this is helpful to you. Am quite sure you will do it!
The thing is with people who use control to solve problems is that when they are faced with a dilema they will then try and control it to the nth degree. And I think that's what your doing now by rushing to make changes in the next two weeks. Its clear that you are very motivated to change but you will need to make changes step by step.You've made the first and most important step successfully by deciding to change, but in my experience, people who rush to make changes too quickly tend to relapse when faced with unsolvable problems or take too big a leap at the beginning and revert to type when it doesn't succeed
How about this for the next step. Why not watch yourself very closely, noticing all the times you manage not to do the control freak thing? Notice the small things, like when you ARE aware of other people despite the fact that you feel anxious, or when you DO make eye contact with other people when you are talking to them, then make a mental note to yourself to remind you that not only do you want to change, but sometimes you do the right thing despite the problem. This will help you to be more confident that you can be different, and you may already have some of the skills you need!!
About 'living more harmoniously' - it sounds like other people are on your case. Ask them to be patient, tell them that you have made a breakthrough but it takes time to be different, say sorry when you mess up and really mean it. and don't give yourself a hard time if you make a mistake.
Hope this is helpful to you. Am quite sure you will do it!
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