lost love

[POLAG]

I was with my boyfriend for 2 years.  At first it was amazing,  We adored each other. He lived 150 miles away from me, but we took turns to stay at each others at weekends. It was hard but it was worth it because we loved each other so much.  On our first date we clicked straight away and never stopped talking. I'd never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life. Every minute we spent with each other perfect.

However after about a year I found out he'd been lying to me over stupid things like going out or buying clothes, it was so petty and we'd argue. It just caused auguments because he'd go out with his mates during the weekend but never have any money left for the weekend.  We decided to have a ten week break to decide what to do.  In the end we decided to give it another go. 6months later we split up.We both saw other people, but realised we still had feelings for each other. When we met it was really good and had sex again and met a few more times then he started pushing me away.  Then he waanted to make things work, we went for a meal and had a fantastic time. He told me  loved me so much.

I haven't seen him since.

He told me he wanted his own space, and he wasn't in a commitment place. He said dispite this he will always love me and will never love anyone like he loved me.

I was devistated and miss him dearly, I thought we were soul mates, when we are together it just feels so right. We are still in contact and he wants us to stay friends and meet up but I dont feel we can be 'just friends' especially as he calls me when he's had a lot to drink at weekends and tells me he loves me and misses me and then takes it all back the next day.

At the moment i'm feeling so low and am crying every day.

I just dont know what to do.....

[butter1]

Dear POLAG, I'm so sorry... it's an awful feeling isn't it?  I'm sure we have all been then at some point or another.  The key is to keep yourself busy and lean on your close friends.  I don't think it's wise 'just being friends' because 9 times out of 10...it doesn't work, especially when its you who has the strong feelings and he seems to be moving on.  I know its hard but the best thing to do is to cut contact.... as all the time your feeling like this and still talking to him, it's never going to get any better.  Chin up honey, be strong!! x

[floss85]

POLAG, Im sorry to here your low at the moment. I agree with butter1, you shouldnt stay friends, at least not until you feel you are over the relationship.

Its not fair on you for him to call you to say he loves you then take it all back. Next time he calls you, try your best not to answer it (esp at 2am in the morning when he's bound to be drunk!)

I know it's easy to say but try your best to keep busy! Cry lots - that always help me!

When I split up with my ex, I got a load of mates round drank lots of wine and slagged him off all night! Did me the world of good! But I bet his ears were burning!! :)

Things can only get better!

x

[kazza_cy]

As much as it hurts now, it will get better......i promise! He is not worthy of your love. I suggest you buy the book "he's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo (writers of sex and the city).  It is really informative and makes you realise you are worth more than being treated like this!! Good luck! 
 

[Gingerpants]

I am so sorry to hear about your distress.  However can I be brutal?  He sounds like a timewaster, a mindstuffer who has no idea what he wants and is willing to mess with your head while he makes up his mind.  He maybe sees you an as inbetween girl til he finds Miss Right.  He may just want to use you as a standby, as someone to fall back on and that's why he wants to remain friends with you, sort of having you in reserve.

However I would not be friends with him.  It is only for his benefit as this obviously causes you distress.  You do not owe this man anything what so ever.

I would advise telling him not to ring you unless he wants to go back out with you (if that is what you want).  Every time he rings up drunk, put the phone down on him.  Delete every text you receive.  He'll get the message.  It sounds like he has taken you for granted for years.  You are worth more than that.

[rampart]

Polag, so sorry to hear your troubles. I don't know him, so I am not defending him in particular. Nevertheless, here are some things on my mind.

Before mrs rampart, I enjoyed my mates and a pint or two. Or three. When I met miss rampart and started enjoying her company, I found it quite difficult to balance man-time and lady-time. Quite honestly, I enjoy my mates, and a night at a pub with them is fun.

Prior to miss rampart, my home was quite the gathering place for my mates, as it was central, the largest, and always full of food and beer. The thought of transitioning from bachelor life to fianc� was difficult. I quite frankly admit to you that I did not do a good job of this, and miss rampart and I had our struggles. She permitted me a time to collect myself and come round. I did come round and the next thing I knew, we were walking down the aisle of the cathedral as man and wife.

During our troubled times, I was at my worst when she pushed it. I felt guilty whenever I spent any time or money on my mates. When she pulled back and let me run with my mates like a bunch of wild horses, I felt freedom. Perhaps too much freedom once she was gone for a while.

Ultimately, my desires and priorities evolved and I realised what I really wanted in life, and I freely chose to move her direction. The freedom she granted me - or imposed upon me - gave me time to think. She and I both learned to balance life and respect each other's space, for which I am thankful.

I hope my point of view is helpful. Although, I must say there really is not much justification for his lying. I can only hope that they were white lies meant to keep him out of being in trouble with you.

The comments from others in this thread are quite good. I do hope you find something here that is helpful.