Needing help...

[Silversky]

I've been really really down lately... I hate myself... and I hate myself for hating myself. I don't like the way I look, the way I feel about myself... I don't like my stupidness... everything about myself I generally hate. I've been mentally bullied for most of my life.... Including now. Nothing will stop it, because if it's not one person its another. So please don't tell me to tell a teacher or anything. I feel as if I have no worth anymore. No-one cares, no-one should. But I'm so exhusted, as if I don't want to carry on anymore. It's really killing me. I'm really tired of everything... I don't think I could bring myself to kill myself... Im too scared of that too! I'm scared of everything... I don't like who I've become... I just help, not quite sure how, but I do... Thanks for listening. xXx

[oldwoman]

Hi Silver, I thought you were getting on pretty well lately. My daughter is 29, epileptic and the only friends she has are a 72 year old, a 92 years old and a 8o years old. She has never been out to a pub with anyone her own age. Has no hopes of ever living on her own and has never had a proper job. I`m as depressed as hell, your turn.

[Eve]

Oh honey, huge huge hugs to you!!!

I know how awful it is to feel like that believe me but you will get through it and come out stronger.

You're a clever beautiful girl and so young with your whole life ahead of you.

Once you get past those exams then you can do whatever you want to do, get out and experience everything the world has to offer you.

Is there anyone else you could stay with for a while to take the pressure off?

I'm here whenever you need me xxx

[bloaterbum]

You know I feel pretty much the same .Dunno why , cus Idon't live lavish but Ihave a job, money in the bank 2 cars and a mom who loves me .
Guess a partner would help money is nothing without a soulmate???!!

[CT]

Try and get an appointment with your doctor. Something like this happened to my gran in the past few days. Her version was exacerbated by a new medication she was taking. She has gone into hospital to be treated for this condition today. I'm not saying this will happen to you but you should talk to someone before you fell any worse.
p.s. you always seem to be an honest and good contributor to the AB. If you feel really down at any time there is usually someone around to make you feel better, and generally just to listen.

[bonbon28]

Cyber hug

((((((((:-)))))))))

I hope you feel better soon and I wish you much happiness xxx

[ELVIS68]

If this is a school thing then I agree with Jenna, once you have left it`s a whole new experience

I hated every single day at school and couldn`t wait to leave,when the day comes and you are finally rid of the cr@p that school-life brings then you will be able to start to enjoy life again

[raysparx1]

Hello silver,

What you have written is so sad,if you want to talk,please either come back on here or e-mail me,or just let me know you want a private chat on msn,I will look on here later to see if you want to, I detest bullying,so please don't bottle anything up inside, Ray xxx

[email protected] you have my msn I think,if not let me know, thinking of you,take care.

[Carakeel]

Sweet silversky, there are positive things in your life!!! It is just that at the moment you can't see them. Sometimes we all get a bit like that, but at some point this will pass and you will feel far better. For starters, you have many friends on here who think you are a lovely girl with a good mind. So please don't be disheartened. If school is the problem, Jenna is right, exams will come to an end and things will look up a bit. But nobody has the right to bully you or make you feel stupid. You are so not stupid, nor is it true that nobody cares about you. There are some lovely people on here who do care about you and will do what they can to help you through this. Like ray and Jenna, who are always so supportive and give really good advice. If you want you can add me to your msn list of contacts and when you feel like it we can chat a bit more privately. My msn / email address is [email protected]. Silversky, you are a lovely young person, who deserves to be respected, loved and happy and those who cannot see that are the ones who are in fact stupid! Sometimes in life we go through phases like the one you are going through right now, where we cannot see our own worth. And although it is you who will have to work your way out of this, with friends to support you it will be a bit easier. So please let us help in what ever way we can. Those of us who have been through an awful lot in our lives have come out the stronger for our experiences. We will not be surprised or startled by anything you say, as we understand how you are feeling. We are fortunate enough to have found ways to fight and win our battles and we would love to help you to fight and win yours. Many big hugs to you. Remember, you are so NOT alone!!! XXX :o)

[raysparx1]

Carakeel, I am so envious of your wise words and knowledge,sometimes I feel so dumb, silver,please take note of all Carakeel has said, we are all here for you, you really are one of the nicest,sweetest people on here and if we can help you,we will, xxxxx

[kwicky]

http://www.selfesteem4women.com/?ad=msnukb9

[Silversky]

Thanks everyone for your kind words...
CT, the problem was I did not want my parents to know (again) they've got enough on their plate right now without me telling them about this.
I have been to the doctors before about 4months ago. She said she'd get me counselling on the NHS.... I'm still waiting for an appointment.
And yes, you are right about that it's only a short while until I will leave... It's about 6months, and I can't help but count down the days already.
I suppose everything just hurt because even if people start bullying me, my friends will stand around and do nothing. Some of them even laugh! What kind of friend is that? I would NEVER EVER see anyone get hurt.... Probably because I know what it's like to be on the recieving end of everything.
One other thing that hurts was that one of the girls, was 8months ago, my best friend and had been for 9 years.... It's really difficult for me to bring myself to look at her anymore.
Also we had an assembly at school on thursday, the irony of it was that it was about Anti-bullying week.... ha! yeah, like thats ever going to happen!

Jenna and Ray, Thank you, I know you will always be there if I need help, and if I need someone to talk to, I will come to you. : )

Carakeel, thank you, that is fantastic advice... you have a way with words...

Thank you to everyone else as well.
xXx

[Silversky]

Kwicky, according to that self-esteem test- my self-esteem is 26%

[daisy48]

Silversky, I think Carakeel's said it all. I hate bully's too and its bad that your so called best friend has turned her back on you. Have you informed the head about this bullying? If not,please do it. I remember feeling insecure at school but never bully'd. I hope you tell your head about these oh so brave bully's in the hope he/she does something for you. Dont see yourself as stupid,be proud of yourself for not "Running with the pack". I hope you find a true friend. Daisy x

[Lonnie]

Hi silver, I can't add much more to what the others have said, I really feel for you, the the only thing I can say, but its upto you if you take that option, its one I took, but for different reasons, and that is maybe, speak to a priest, I'm jewish, but the only person who understood, was a priest, everything is confidential, and it can help.

You really do need to speak to someone, its just getting up the courage to do it, but you've taken the first step in self help, by posting on here.

I wish you the very best, for now, and always, and please, post back.