Winter Blues?

[HJT40]

We are just approaching the anniversary of my mums death, which was 8 years ago. At this time of year it has been noted by close friends that I go "down hill" and quite often I need them to point it out to me. This year I have noticed it myself. I can burst in to tears at the drop of a hat or I can fly off the handle just as easily. Winter has always been a bad time for me anyway, but I am also a single parent and even with my gorgeous daughter in the house it can feel so lonely. It is at this time I become irrational and emotional about friends contacting me, if they don't I contact them and end up feeling like a bunny boiler, in fact I think I have pushed a relatively new male friend away because I am probably being irrational and unreasonable about our "friendship" could anyone recomend some sort of meditation or any form of natural therapy that may at least help me a little bit? I know I am doing it but I can't help it and I so want to. Thanks.

[Miss Inquiry]

Bless you, I hope you get lots of positive replies with loads of suggestions.
2 practical suggestions to start you off:
Have you thought about getting one of thoes light box's. Sounds wierd but I have heard lots of people benefit from them, especially those suffering from SAD.
Other than that you could try St John's Wort, natures natural happy herb, it's like a totally natural pick me up. But be careful using it if your on the pill as I know it can decrease it's effectivness.
Hug x

[HJT40]

Thank you, see people being kind makes me cry! I have tried St Johns Wart, but it doesn't seem to be effective at the moment. I do know someone with a light box, I will find out where they got it - thanks!

[Miss Inquiry]

How about feeding ducks with your little girl, and there are so many leaves about at the moment, you could spend an hour or so just kicking your blues away. I have no idea how old your little girl is, but I took my mum to feed the ducks last weekend (she is 55) and last night me and my bf were kicking leaves and playing pooh-sticks by the river (he's 30) so your never too old or too young. Something about being outside in the nippy air and near water is like chicken soup for the soul. x

[Surreygirl30]

i know exactly how you feel it will be 10yrs losing my mum for me soon . I wish i could say something to help but i can�t. All i can say is i know how you feel - i use to be the life and soul � now i am the opposite. The thing is nobody knows and just assumes you are glum because you are a miserable wotsit but sometimes it is hard to smile and laugh, especially when you have lost someone so special. I need to find some friends to bring me back out of myself but its hard as I never meet anyone and I don�t really have any interests. Anyhoo, I will read your replied with interest and here is a ~hug~

[HJT40]

My thoughts are with you too. Its nice to know there are caring people out there even though I am now sat at work blubbing my eyes out! I love my friends to pieces but unless they have gone through it they still don't really understand. I go quiet and withdrawn and they get on with their lives. It makes it seem so lonely, but then I find out that other people, like you, do know what I am talking about and realise that other people feel it too, which helps!

[Eve]

Aww, big hug :)

How about joining some local groups to meet people or do some voluntary work. Try here...

http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/

http://www.volunteering.org.uk/

May be worth a chat with your GP about things to get their view on it.

[Surreygirl30]

Awww well all i know is 10years have passed me by and everyone i know has got married / had kids etc and moved on. I still live like i am 18 its weird. Don�t get me wrong i don�t sit here all down all day but at the same time i never feel totally happy. How can you ever be happy again? My mum was very young when she died too. i don�t know about you but like for example my boss's mum died and she was very old and i found it so hard to be so compassionate she was like in her 80s and they were all going oh she was sooooo young and i was thinking in my head god my mum was half that age - i guess deep down i am pretty angry and i know i have to just get on with it all but i wonder why some people get to have it all whilst others don�t.

It just isn�t fair at the end of the day. But, reading your post you are a mummy now and that is a big achievement so if anything you can pass what your mum taught you down to your child - i would take comfort in that if i had a child :-) also let your friends know how you feel they probably already know if they know you � my friends more or less dumped me when my mum died due to them not knowing how or what to say to me. I am always on here if you ever want a chat � not that I say anything of greatness ha ha :-)

[HJT40]

My mum was 58 and yes alot of my friends didn't know what to do, so my daughter who was only 4 at the time was a god send, had to look after her, she gave me no choice but to get on and do. Even my close family dealt with it all in their own way and we don't really talk about it now. One thing is certain is that the friends you did have are likely to go through what we have been through and will end up feeling bad about the way they treated you. HOwever you have the gift of knowledge and compasion and people would be pleased to have a friend like you, what are you waiting for girl get out there you have a hell of a lot to offer!
God this is therapeutic!

[Surreygirl30]

Aww thanks lovely msg you left there :-) your mum was very young too (mine was early 40s, no age eh).

Mmm as for getting out there, the thing is going to the cinema on your own and all that just doesn�t kick it lol and the people i work with aren't my 'type of people' all bods if you get what i mean ha ha. Its funny a girl contacted me via friends reunited the other week and she remembered me as the girl with the sick mum (nice eh).

Anyway she was like god you have soooo changed but the thing is i use to go out get drunk and smoke etc.. now i don�t drink or smoke so i cant even revert back to that. It�s very hard to find an interest in life that is for sure. Oh well thank god for reality TV ha ha keeps me amused.

[unruliejulie]

Hi HJT40, it's the 21st anniversary of my Dads death tomorrow so this is always a sad time of the year for me too. I will go to the garden of rememberance and sit and think for a while while my 3 year old son sits by me happily chatting away and oblivious! 8 Years isnt that long in the grand scheme of things so its no wonder you get down about it still. I promise you, it does get easier as the years pass!

I think what you need is someone who has been through the same thing to pour your heart out to if you feel the need. I always found that helped, even if i cried my heart out whilst doing it.
I cant really give you any other advice im afraid apart from go and have some fun with your little girl. That never fails to cheer us Mums up, single or not. Don't ever feel like a bunny boiler for contacting your friends, in my book, thats what they're there for. Im sending you a big hug and some strength to get through a tough time XX
(((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))

[HJT40]

I will think of you tomorrow and hope you have a peaceful, happy think about memories that make you smile.

My girl will be away on a school trip on the day I remember my mum, the day we went xmas shopping, it was such fun! So I will take the day off work and do the same again and buy two new decorations for the tree, just as she did. Thank you all for your replies, it has helped so much. Its good to know that what I am feeling is normal!

Love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx