Why lie?

[MrBen5]

This question is for the women.
i was seeing this girl before and we split up. but we still remain close friends. the thing is, i find she is constantly telling me lies. I just ask her questions in general about her life, yet she just tells me lies, even though she states she isnt. (some are silly lies and others arent).
I have asked her just to be truthful, which she states she is at the time and will be going forward, yet a couple of weeks down the line i find out she is still lying. When i ask her why she lie's she just denies doing it or says its me being paranoid or that i never asked her in the first place.
I know its not explained very well above but hopefully you understand what i mean.
I know i am not paranoid and i know what i ask, what i dont know is why she feels the need to be untruthful. We arent a couple, but she is a good friend. The thing is, i am high on morals and i dont like being round someone who i cant trust.
Do you think i should just finish contact with her altogether?

[ummmm]

Some people just can't help it MrB......

You know where you're at with a thief but never with a liar.

If you're not a couple can't you just let it go over your head?

[MrBen5]

Nah, i cant. I am one of those people that cant forget. I am too proud. Its another one of my bad traits (to add to the list). Thing is, i know we arent a couple, but we are still friends. It makes it worse for me, as i think just that. "We arent a couple, so whats the point in lying"? Maybe i expect too much from people.
I just wanted some views on here as sometimes i misunderstand what is said to me and tend to twist it to how i want it to be...

[ummmm]

So maybe she's not lying and you are twisting what she says because you think it could be a lie?

I hate lies.....Like I said before, I don't mind twisting the truth to spare someones feelings but I hate blatant lies.

It's your call but if it's ruining the friendship then maybe it's time to sit and have a chat about it

[LostStar]

Surely, as you are aware ther is an underlying reason why she feels she has to lie in the first place (even if she is denying it) - that she feels her life is boring and she has to make herself sound more interesting maybe? And whether or not it can be justified, she will end up getting into trouble over it and in this case maybe lose a friend. How about atempting to reassure her that there is no need to do it in your relationship? - And if she continues then say you don't feel you can continue friendship with someody who you cannot trust.

[Miss Inquiry]

MrBen5, just out of interest how old is she? How long have you known her, could you not sit down with her and simply mould the conversation onto lying and then put your points across.

[Miss Inquiry]

Or maybe be go totally the other way, start making up TOTALLY outrageous "white" lies, and see how she reacts.

[maggie01]

Some people lie so much that they actually believe what they are saying. It makes it hard to speak to people like that because in the end, you just think whatever.

[jump79]

hmmm I suppose some people are born compulsive liars, they just can't help it, and as far as I know there's really no cure for it(other than therapy). The best you can do is be there for her (that's what friends are for), and if it makes you feel better or more normal around her, start making up lies and stories of your own to share with her... they can be as bizzare, OTT and totally ridiculous as you like, use your imagination and have fun with it. I think she'll appreciate the effort you're making to be 'normal' around her and at the least trying to understand her 'condition'. Hope it all works out for you, good luck.

[joko]

how do you know they are lies?

are you just assuming because they sound a bit odd?

I used to have a friend, 10 years younger than me, who i later found out didn't believe some of what i said.
she never said anything, she would just smile and joke along or whatever.
i realised when i told her of a song called 'gordon is a moron' (its actually by jilted john and has another name) but anyway she just laughed and smiled and when i turned to an older guy and asked if he remembered it, when he said yes, she was suddenly really shocked.
she hadn't believed a word.

I really like unusual bits of information and odd things, especially if they will make people laugh, so i am inclined to remember useless but interesting facts.
seemed all this time she thought i was just making stuff up for a joke
we are no longer mates

i told a guy once that i had read that they had been considering starting to bury coffins upright, to save space in the crowded cemetarys (not sure where now) - he got annoyed and said i'd made it up - but i really did read it somewhere!! whether it ever happened i don;t know.

could there be an element of this in your friend? that what she says is mostly true, but just sounds far fetched?

[ummmm]

MrBen.....are you not coming back?

[delph924]

ben ben ben, when you say she lies is she sayin them to make you feel at ease with her eg if her ex had been to her house once and she told you he hadnt coz she knew he wasnt welcome and extremely unlikely to come knockin on the door if she said he had been then that would have made you uncomfy right , maybe she lied about a few things but not in a malicious way and once she said that then you classed her as a liar and picked her up on every detail bein the person you are who has very high morals not everyone is perfect but not everyone lies to hurt but to protect

[LostStar]

i think the poor blokes tied up with the debate over with andy, pigsmightfly and me...

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, delphy delphy delphy, a lie to me is a lie. i dont think i need any protection and to me any lie is malicious. Its ok lying to children to protect them, but when you lie to an adult, it is malicious.
I have always said that people lie to cover things up, but noone can cover things up from me. i am too observant and have a brilliant memory. The liars call me paranoid, the non liars call me clever.
It seems maybe you have been in a similar circumstance delph924. Did/do you lie to your partner a lot? What was the outcome? or do they never find out...

[ummmm]

Ben...Have you never lied?

[MrBen5]

Never, i bullsht a lot, but never lie. I am an honest man...

[ummmm]

I think they are very closely related.....

Would you not even lie so you don't hurt someone's feelings?

[MrBen5]

Nope, i tell people how it is. I dont care who's feelings i hurt. Its better to be around an honest person than a person who just tells you (or doesnt tell you) things 'for a bit of piece'.
I think honesty forms a special relationship. its good to be honest, have the argument then get on with things. People grow closer together and relationships last longer. It must be horrible to find out that things never were ok from the start, when all along they never were, and you were led to beleive they were.

[ummmm]

I meant in the sense....I sent you a picture and you thought I was a moose. I ask you if you think I am attractive would you say 'no, I think you are a moose' as simple as that.

I do not want to know the answer to that question btw it was just an example.

[MrBen5]

Of course not hmmm, there is a way of saying you are not nice without sounding too harsh. Its the choice of words you use. you can word things differently, without lying...