Low life Dad!

[WiseOldSage]

My son's father seems to have got himself into dire straits financially. I've even had debt collecting mail here and he's never lived here.

He has debts of �140K and no job and all of his own doing.

It has now materialised that he has "borrowed" over �800 from my son from a savings account that he was going to use for learning to drive, etc.

I am furious - his Dad can do no wrong in his eyes - he's very loyal if I go off on one about what he has done but I think taking this money is the final straw.

I feel like the bad guy here for dissing his Dad but do you think kids should really know what low lifes they have for parents?

[Beanmistriss]

My partner has two kids and thier mum is a financial mess. She has gone so far as comitting fraud to avoid paying maintainence, had a baby by a random bloke in order to get benefits (an accident of course) and is now going to her MP as she thinks it disgraceful that shes going to have her house repossessed because she stopped working and is not paying her mortgage. Quite frankly the woman is an idiot - shes spiteful, nasty and childish. My bloke finds it really hard to hold his tounge and not tell the kids exactly what he thinks of her.

Of course he does sometimes say stuff (kids are adults with the youngest just leaving school) but he tries not to go too far (eg the kid who lived with us knows she has arrears for maintainence but doesnt know the lengths she went to to get out of paying - well if he does we didnt tell him).

Anyhoo, what I always say to him is you can get away with saying a bit of whats true, but get it wrong and you risk pushing them away from you. Most kids love both parents and hearing something bad, even of its true hurts and they will get defensive. If you say too many bad things even if they are true - you risk being accused of poisoning them against the other parent. You don't say how old your son is but I think in the end they work things out for themselves.

[gossipgirl]

i agree. my ex husband does absolutely nothing for our son, never paid a penny of maintenance, called him, sent anything etc. I was left with about 20,000 worth of debt when we split up( which nearly all of it was his) we were homeless, had no money and left with the clothes on our backs. Since we split 8 years ago he has seen our son about 4 times, and my son thinks the sun shone out of his arse, all because he had bought him a packet of sweets on one of those occasions! I met my new partner about 4 years ago and we have made it a pact that we never slag his father off in front of him, of course my son does occasionally ask where his father is and why doesnt he see him, but we just reply with 'he lives a long way from here and its hard for him', whereas the truth is that his father has washed his hands of him and now has a new family now! There will be time im sure that my son will ask what happened to us etc and depending on how old he is when he does, then i will be honest and tell him the truth.

[aniani]

Although it is very difficult, I think it is NEVER a good idea to speak ill of an absent parent. Experience tells me that when the children are old enough they make up their own minds.

[WiseOldSage]

The guy is a cheat and a liar too - it's not just money. He slept (caught by my mother) with my then 14 year old sister when I was 24 and we had a year old baby! It runs a bit deeper than just the money side of things.

My son is nearly 19 now.