what do i do now? ( is this bulling )

[xxlizziexx]

well this is the follow up you could call it of my question beofre called "is this bulling?" first of all just want to say thankyou to everyone that answered very nice of you all : ). well yes it is me that this is happening to, is my ex best friend she has been doing it and we were very very close. i dont care and i dont want to care i really dont and i knowo if i cared it would hurt me alot more but even though i shrug it off and try really hard to not care and turn everything she says thats horrible intoo something postive i still get hurt. i dont know why. i just dont want to get hurt, insdie its really hurting me beacuse one by one shes getting to me more and more, i know my true friends will stick with me i know that but its still upseting to be hurt, i just split up with my boyfrind and that was a VERY painful and im still hurting from it i think its is so horrible and evil to do this all to me now when she nos im hurting still from the breakup, i just havent got a clue what to do, that is my question now, what do i do now? i cant tell on her, i cant just shrug it off even though it seems like i do she nos it still hurts me thats how close were, i just havent got a clue what to do, its just runing me at school please help thanx again xxlizziexx

[Casey]

Look her in the face and tell her exactly what you think of her. Don't be soft. People like that need putting straight. Enough of this 'act like you don't care business' , I was bullied in my last year of school by a particular group of nasty girls, one day (out of school) the main bully and her mates cornered me and were going on at me for f**k all, so I smacked her hard right in the gob! Then my male mates turned up and backed me up. The bitches turned away and never bothered me again. I'm not saying violence is the answer, especially whilst you are in school, but definitely stand up for yourself and put her in her place.

[xxlizziexx]

i no and i have thought about it, just walking up to her and slapping her, i really have, but then i think,shes not worht it beacuse she really isnt, and i dont think she would stop to be honest, im just so stuck for ideas, ignoring it isnt going to make it all go away beacuse it hurts me still even though i dont show it, and i dont want to have that hurt still in me, i just havent got a clue what to do, thanx for your answer casey if thats the only thing i can do i might do that thank you x

[FP]

Lizzie.  How about phoning her up and telling her exactly how you feel.  Ask her why she is doing it and ask her if you have upset her in some way.  Tell her how much you are hurting, especially as you were such good friends.  She may be hurting to and just not dealing with it in a very adult fashion.  She may act very differently on the phone without anybody else about.  She is probably trying to look big in front of them!

Deal with it in an adult fashion and see what happens.

Best wishes

FP (Fakeplastic)

[Fran666]

I'm with Casy: Smack her one.

If you're not the violent type though, that's fine. But YOU HAVE TO STAND UP TO HER. Doesn't matter whether she's worth it or not-that's not the issue. The point is she knows that she can get away with doing this to you- after all, she has so far hasn't she?

You said yourself you've tried ignoring it but that hasn't work. So try something else. Surprise her;show her just how strong you are and that you're not prepared to take this crap anymore- why the hell should you??? march up to her and tell her to f* * * off.

I know you're hurt but how about some constructive anger too. You don't deserve this and she has no right to have such a hold over your life (because all bullies do) You have to be the one to put a stop to this and there's only one way to do that. Stand up for yourself- no one's saying it'll be easy but it'll be worth it.

Best of Luck.

[Kingaroo]

If you overhear her doing it, turn and ask, "Why are you saying those hateful things about me? We used to be such good friends. Are you trying to make yourself look better in comparison?" Pointing out someone's motives sometimes takes all the wind out of their sails, or at least makes their comments have less impact on other people.

Don't go to her complaining that she's hurting you -- she obviously is trying to. Instead, point out to everyone in earshot what a pathetic, pitiable person she is to have to make such comments.

Maybe you could even aplogize to her (loudly in public) for hurting her so badly that she's retaliating like this. Maybe that would make others see she's doing it from a position of weakness.

Good luck, dear. Girls can be so cruel. It hurts because our friends are so important to us, and when one goes bad, she knows just where to stick the knife to hurt you most.

[FP]

Violence breeds violence and anger breeds anger.  Personally I don't think angry confrontation and swearing works.

My son was bullied once by a group of older boys.  They pushed him over.  He got up, brushed himself down and said 'thanks mates'.  They never did it again.  When they don't get any reaction , bullies often give up.

[xxlizziexx]

i know this is going to sound modest but its true, i am the adult in this, i really am, i really am just trying to leave it just she keeps bringing it back up etc, i just would like to know how to deal with it, beacuse me speaking to her or anything like that i really dont think it is going to work beacuse she is that arigent and that stupid, and kiddish, im sorry if this is sounds rude i really am, thank you all for your answers so far x x

[Dagman]

It is bullying. Is there someone in authority you trust to help you. Does your school have an anti bullying campaign? What about parents? I have a son and he was bullied at school. he'd put up with it for months and one day fell apart in front of us. I'm upset now as I type this as he was so broken down. The school handled it brilliantly and those responsible dealt with by threats of expulsion. Don't keep it from your parents as my son did, it could all have been stopped before becoming so bad. Do it now,go tell them what you're going through. 

[xxlizziexx]

you see i would in some ways love to hit her, but i really really dont think thats going to work, and to be honest i dont think i have the courage to do it, also, if i told the school they would not sort this out, my school is a loverly school dont get me wrong but you get builled more if you tell on them, beacuse the bullies are so bad, teachers must be scared of them or somethnig beacuse they really dont do much even when they watch it happening, and im not lieing at all, by leaving it and just letting it ride its corse beacuse then she will get bored and move on, but thats going to be a long time away, im just so mixed up with it al at the moment, not understanding anything, i really think she is doing it to sound "cool" and i hate it that shes gettting others agaist me as well now, telling the school isnt going to work and i reallly dont think they will belive me etc beacuse krissi told the school first beacuse she was "crying" beacuse she told me 2 F off!! 
im very grateful for all your answers and any answers that come soon, isnt there any other ways or what, thanx again lizzie x x

[Casey]

Yeah there's another way lizzie, give me her number and I promise she won't bother you again!

[natalie_1982]

Perhaps not the best advice, but if it was me I would just literally wipe the smug grin from her face with my fist.  However, this is likely only to make matters worseand be prepared for her to get someone else involved, e.g. older girl friends, older sister, cousin, etc.

Lizzie, I really think you ought to tell someone - how are things going with your mum now? Could you tell her?  Maybe your mum could call her mum and her mum could pull her up about it?  I'm 22 and my mum still scares me sh*tless!!

The best advice I think, and the most practical, is to verbally stand up to her.  Ask her what her problem is.  Is she jealous?  Is lying and bitching about you the best she can do?  Is her life that dull that she has to spend all her time thinking and talking about you?  Is she that sad that she feels she has to make herself look better by making you look bad?  Believe me sweetie, vicious and sharp words can make people think and change 10 times harder than a broken nose.

[natalie_1982]

Ok, so vicious not the right word, but be mean, be cool and give her all the attiude you have as you have more maturity, intelligence and personality in your little finger than she has in her entire body by the sounds of it.

[natalie_1982]

And I'm with Casey on this one.  Give me her number!

[Casey]

So what's her number lizzie? Me n nat will put her in her place once and for all!

[AB Editor]

Please do not post private individuals' phone numbers on this website.

[natalie_1982]

Ed, I was joking!

[xxlizziexx]

aww blesss * giggles* thank you! you made me laugh about the number thing!! bless you to! : ) made me smile ;),
my mum and her mum are TOTALLY differnt and i mean that in nearly everyway and they both have never warmed to each other, to be honest i dont think my mum knows what tod o eaither she just cant understadn why krissi does it, she sas itsb eacuse shes jelous but i cant help that i mean im not going to change just beacuse she is jelous i am loved for me and thats who i want to be loved for. my mum knows that she is sayingt hings about me but she doesnt know what and how it is effecting me. to be honest i really dont think she would  understand the actully truth, she will proberly think im exadurarting ( sorry cant spell erm i mean making things worse than that actully are ), thats whats shes thought before,
telling the school i cant do beacuse kristi got to them before like ive said, so they think im the bady but they dont know how far its going, but im thinking of teling my mum everythin now beacuse today it just got worse and i was just so close to going up to her and smacking her in the face, beacuse i think this is getting out of hand, do you think i should at least try and tell my mum and just hope she udnerstands and doesnt just say o dontworry it will go away soon beacuse i know it wont, hmm well thanx for all your answers so far very kind of you all : )
lizzie x x

[natalie_1982]

I think you ought to tell your mum Lizzie, at the end of the day if your mum does say "Oh, it'll all blow over" (my mum's favourite line!) then you haven't lost anything.  Although I'm sorry to say, she probably is right - it'll all come out in the wash, what goes around comes around, etc aren't very comforting things to be told at the time but it's true. 

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger Lizzie and you are far better than this Kristi is.

I know you said that your school doesn't deal with these things very well, but is there one teacher, assistant, playground attendant, anyone! who you could confide in just so they are aware of the situation?  They don't have to do anything, sometimes it feels better knowing that someone knows what is going on.

Do you have any older brothers/ sisters who could help you?

I still think the best thing to do is stand up to her.  Tell her her to stop wasting her time and yours because she is making herself look like an idiot.

[xxlizziexx]

hmmmm, maybe you are right about the school thing, i might let them know so they are aware of it thats a god idea actully : ), hmm im debating about my mum, i will really think about it and the next time it makes me upset then i will tell her i think, thank you, need the encoragement! and i really love the last little bit you said, made me smile yet its ever so true, i mite do and say that if it really doesnt sort its self out, thank you alll so much you have been an amazing help to me! thank you all : ) love ya all lizzie xx

[smudge]

Hi Lizzie - Just got back & read your follow up post.

Firstly, I really can't see what punching or smacking her in the mouth will achieve - besides you could come off worse, or maybe get into trouble for it. It would be best if you could just ignore her, although easier said than done. You could write her a letter explaining how you feel. You don't have to crawl to her, but just ask her why she is being so nasty to you. Good luck in whichever way you choose to handle the situation.

P.S. As I said in your last post, please talk to someone about the situation. Don't do anything without talking to either your parents or teacher first. -xx-