12 year old girl taken by father

[teawith2]

I wonder if any of you can help, I am writing on behalf of my friend. She has a daughter aged 12, and split from the violent father approx 6 years ago, he broke my friends bones and all sorts. It went to court about the daughter and he got set times to see her but only at the mums address, not his, he has never conributed to his daughter either in general or on birthdays or xmas.....to cut a long story short, he took the daughter out just before xmas and didnt bring her back home and has drummed allsorts into the childs head about her mum, my friend has been ringing her daughter and the girl is calling her mum some terrible names with the father calling out he wishes she was dead in the background, this man is very manipulative and has been in banged up here and there for gun crime and violence, he has told my friend if she starts anything he will kill her, she has had the stuffing knocked out of her and cant stop crying, she is a brilliant mum and has give her daughter tthe best life she can, my question is, what is the best course of action to take? My friend is obviously distraught and I want to help her as much as I can! Thanks

[sammmo]

After bringing up 4 daughters I think her best course of action is to ask her daughter what she wants..If she wants to stay with her dad then let her..she will be a teenager soon and teenage girls are the worst things in the world. the father will be begging your friend to have her back within a year or so..not very helpful but true..

[China Doll]

Call the police. Call social services.

[ummmm]

Call the police...he's broken a court order.

[teawith2]

Thanks everyone, he is a terrible father as well, my friend let the girl start staying over when he seemed more amicable, then woke up at 2am with a torch shining through her bedroom window, it was him, and he had left the girl about 15 miles away in bed on her own, all cos he thought my friend had another man!

[ummmm]

Has she keep a log of everything he's done? Is it on record regarding beating and broken bones etc?

[pastafreak]

If he is an intimidating sort,and the child is still with him....how does the mum know that the little girl is even speaking her own mind if he is in the background saying things? She may be scared and intimidated-and only saying what he wants to hear,out of fear.

[Chaffinch]

Derrrrrrr she's 12, call the police!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[China Doll]

If your mans been banged up here and there for gun crime and violence then I'm pretty sure social services would be fairly interested in whether staying with dad is the best place to be. I'm not sure I'm buying all this to be honest but in the spirit of being helpful I stand by my first answer.

[sammmo]

6 yrs has past since the court order and the girl has grown up since then..as long as the father takes her to school and feeds and clothes her, and only if she wants to stay with him let her stay..If the police get involved she will be given back to the mother, the daughter could rebel and make her life hell..ask her what SHE wants and give it a try after say 1 month ask her again she may well have changed her mind..young girls change like the wind..

[ummmm]

So any psychological damage doesn't come into it sammo?

[pastafreak]

If your friends husband has broken a court order,she should be talking to a solicitor-pronto! From what you say-the child has been with him for over 2 weeks-when she should never even see him away from the mothers home.
She can get 30 minutes free advice from many solicitors-and may also qualify for legal aid if her income is low.

[ummmm]

Plus - if she's been with the father that long how did he get her school uniform, clothes etc etc...

[teawith2]

He never did buy her uniform, my friend has contacted the police but they are not interested??? Chinadoll, its not my ex husband! Its a genuine post, think my mate thought her daughter would come home, but now she knows she has to take it further, in all honesty| I think what with his threats to kill, and his past she is frightened, and doesnt know what to do, ive told her to see a solicitor and contact social services, also ive advised her that if she is aware of any illegal weapons in his house she should inform the police...He is a manipulating git and is no doubt puting allsorts into the girls head about her mum...the physcological damage is what is bothering me too! Thanks for all your comments I shall show her this x

[teawith2]

Forgot to add, he hasnt taken her to school, so the school are onto him

[ummmm]

She should be back at school now. Has the child been to school?

[China Doll]

'Your man' as in the irish 'your man' which roughly translates as 'that fella.'

[China Doll]

Right... So there's been a court order that either is or isn't still in order but that on top of the arrests in the past means he's known to the police. The child has effectively been taken from he mother in to what could be described as hostile atmosphere. From the sounds of it there's no way social services would not be involved somewhere along the line in the past at least and if he's not going to school then they're certainly about to be and your friend still has no idea who to call for help?! Sorry, not buying this. Either some substantial bits are missing or the whole thing is jackanory.

[teawith2]

Dont buy it then china, My mate is in a mess and cant think straight and I dont want to bombard her with too much, she is in a fragile state, no he hasnt taken her to school, not sure if court order is still in place, he has none of the childs belongings, and he is very well known to the police. I just wanted to here any advise that I hadnt thought of thats all, im sorry if you dont buy it, but if you see the state my friend is in, you would firmly believe it!

[ummmm]

China - it could be fear. Being used as a human punch bag could make people not quite think straight.