People not speaking

[shelbyc]

I work in admin and the collegue I sit beside has not said much to me. I get on with my job - I know I'm quiet but can't work and talk as I'm concentrating. I go in and say hi - others respond and collegue doesn't. It wasn't always that way and there are common interests - I just hope I haven't upset this person unknowingly. I don't work in an atmosphere. As I said before I go in on a morning and it's been a half hearted hi or no response but other collegues come to work and it's hi's all the way. I'm tired of not being part of the click. Everyone has problems but I don't go on about mine. I try to break the ice and it's blank. I just don't know anymore and I am upset as I don't feel part of things.

[sara3]

go straight up to her, smile and say "hi, how are you?" what's the worst that can happen? she can either tell you if she has an issue, or will be shamed into stopping her silly behaviour. if she behaves badly, you'll have to discuss it with your line manager.

[Ide1]

Are you fairly new to the job?... When I was new in my current role, with some people it took a while (months in some cases) before I'd worked out their characters, accepted their different moods and then developed my own little strategies of dealing and getting along with them. Agree confronting is the best way forward (doesn't have to be agressive - just questioning) Could it be that our colleague is jealous of other attachments with people that you've made at work? If you've done your best, don't worry about it and don't start to put yourself down over it. Sometimes acceptance that you don't always click with people is best and if it really does get unbearable, get help from your Line Manager as Sara says. Good luck!

[China Doll]

If it's just one collegue and you get on well enough with the rest then I personally wouldn't worry too much about it, I just wouldn't be interested enough to waste the energy. It's nice to have friends at work but not really essential.

Also, and I don't mean to sound harsh, are you absolutely sure it's not perhaps you who might be carrying some responsibility for this problem? I work on a team with a lot of interesting characters, we somehow muddle along quite well together except for one person on the team... And I don't mean to sound nasty but it really is her and not us! There's only so much people will try before they get tired of being hit negativity or with a lack of interest etc.

[cazzz1975]

sometimes people cannot adapt well to changes in colleagues and will take a while to talk to you and get to know you because they have to adjust to you and your personality. over time it should get better.

a new person can upset the applecart, not because they have done something wrong, but simply because everyone has to adjust their brains to the new person

[shelbyc]

I am not part of a click or go on about myself all day long. As I said before I can't concentrate and talk as I data input all day. I have a little natter say hi on a morning and goodbye at a night. I have racked my brain and done nothing wrong. Unless someone has said something to the collegue and they have believed it or is just sick of where she is sitting. We can't pick where we sit and are all in the same spot and I've had to sit beside all characters -just to get on with my job.
I know all about someone wanting attention all the time - not me I don't want that kind of attention - and there are some strong personalities on the team. I end up coming last because I do keep myself to myself and everything gets discussed right down to toilet habits which to me is a personal thing. I have learned from experience that you say one thing eg a date and it's around the office- everyone would know gossip central. It's not me that is carrying responsibilty for anything as I haven't done anything wrong - taking the hump for no valid reason is not nice. I have problems but don't whinge on all the time. Last year I wanted to move due to the team being clicky and not included/ignored etc.

[TonyV]

shelly - if it worries you, you will need to bite the bullet and ask your colleage face to face if you have upset them - just make sure it's a one to one conversation - not in the middle of the office

[joko]

thing is, your comments of not wanting attention, not going on about yourself and only saying hi and bye to people etc etc - could come across as you being either shy - or simply rude...

they may think you are clearly not interested in being involved - so why would they involve you?

you also appear totally uninterested in them so why would you expect them to be interested in you - you talk as though you look down on them for their chitchat etc and maybe it shows?


you need to look at yourself a bit and the way you are coming across and you may get your answer...

little ways you can start to seem more approachable and friendly woudl be stuff like bringing a packet of biscuits to share, or a cake - a cake means you actually have to offer pieces around so can speak to them.
ar eyou allowed personal items on your desk? dont go mad with silly tacky stuff but brightening it up with perhaps a bright pic frame or pen pot or something could make you seem more 'jovial'...

the problem with once this sort of thing happens it can take drastic measures to break out of it..

first job though is find out whats wrong and if in fact you have inadvertantly upset this woman...if so - flowers, cake etc to apologise...ands make sure other know the truth...

[shelbyc]

I already have done. Over the time I've baked cakes, taken in buscuits etc been friendly etc. What do I have to do tell them the las time I did xyz. I am not rude horrible or anything else. I just feel like asking her what's wrong. Why is this my fault? I wish I hadn't asked now.

[shelbyc]

Also I have booked up the last two xmas meals too so I am not rude!

[China Doll]

I would agree with joko. The way you talk sounds like you aren't really interested in what people are saying (regardless of whether you're concentrating or not), and actually don't want to talk about anything you consider personal to you. Personally if I felt that someone didn't really want to talk to me or wasn't that interested in what I was saying, I just wouldn't inflict myself on them, I'd would be polite and civil and say thanks for the cake or booking the christmas dinner but I really wouldn't force a conversation as it would apprear to me they're not interested and I wouldn't want to bore them.

[joko]

well you are being rude now... i did not say you were horrible or rude - i said your quietness could be construed as rudeness... you asked a question and we are answering based on what you have said

how does booking a table in a restaurant mean you can not possibly be rude?

if thats all you think it takes to be sociable to people - performing perfunctory tasks - then no wonder you have a problem...

[smoochiegal]

I work in admin and am really shy meeting new ppl. I agree though, I think that you may unintentionally be coming across as arrogant. You may not be able to concentrate on work whilst chatting (neither can I) but you will have to make an effort and pipe up a couple of times. Even if it's about something in the paper. Yes you are paid to work but everyone finds time to chat. Maybe they think you're bringing in cakes and keeping yourself to yourself, it could be seen as brown nosing or that you think you're too good for them or don't say anything because you have no interest. The thing is whether you have interest or not you have to show some now and again. You don't have to get into a deep discussion, but it wouldn't hurt for you to say I saw blah blah on tv last night it was really good or where you went or something let the guard down a bit. You want to be part of the click yet and think you have been making an effort but it will take a bit more than a hi and bye and booking the xmas dinners. You can achieve this if you want it. Don't allow ppl to believe you are stuck-up.

[feona]

Its good if you can talk to her/him about that and also asking her/him for a coffee would be a great idea. At that time you can tell her about the situation that you didnot want to annoy her but just you concentrate on work so much and so on..she/he would surely understand