Too old??

[jay05]

I am 18 and have recently met a really nice guy! He is older at 27. I have been seeing him a a bit in the last couple of weeks but when my mum found out his age she forbid me from seeing him, saying hes far too old, im not mature enough and she that doesn't approve...im still seeing him though! Am I in the wrong or is she just being needlessly unfair?

[Witts end]

Hi Jay 05. What a difficult situation! Your mum is just trying to protect you. You need to sit down with your mum as an adult and discuss this with her. I can see things from both sides (once being a teenager) and now being a mother.

Ask your mum if she would meet him and explain to her how you feel about him. Every mother wants to protect their children and despite how old you are they will do their utmost to do this.

I married when I was 18 against my mother's wishes and all I can say is that many years down the line I admitted that I wished I had listened to her!.

Perhaps if your mum meets this guy she may get a different opinion of him. I know the age gap would worry any parent. You are just starting out your journey of life whereas he has seen and done alot more. Your mum will be worried that he is looking for someone to settle down with and although she cannot decide that for you, she will be worried as you are still very young.

I hope you can talk to your mum and if you are really keen on this guy, introduce him to her and see what happens. Hope all goes well.

[Mistopheles]

I was in a similar position at 16 - my boyfriend was 21 and my parents freaked! Basically you're an adult now, so it's up to you - but don't be too hard on your mum. Witts End is right, she's just trying to do the best for you.

She's not being unfair as such, just a little over protective. I would suggest introducing your boyfriend to her as Witts End suggested, and trying to find some middle ground. For example, if you are at college, promise your mum you won't let your relationship affect your exams. Reassure her you aren't about to run off and get married or pregnant (unless you are of course!).

If things get really bad between you and your mum, it might be worth pointing out that by being against your relationship, she is driving a wedge between you, and limiting the chance that you will turn to her if something is wrong.

Lastly, take an objective look at your boyfriend. Is there anything that your mum is right about? Has he been violent etc.? If so, you might want to listen to her. If not, good luck!

[spudqueen]

I agree with Witts end.  My 18 year old God-daughter is going out with an older man (in his late twenties), though she did know him as a friend first (they used to work together) and did introduce him to her parents before she started going out with him (when she was 17).  Her parents weren't 'over the moon' about the situation, but at least they had met the bloke and knew that he was a 'decent' guy.

To be honest, I don't think ANY parent would be thrilled at the idea of their 18 year old daughter going out with a bloke that much older.

[jay05]

Thanks for the feedback! This guy isn't actually my boyfriend by the way and that kind of makes it more infuriating as nothing serious is happening, i'm just enjoying his company! I'm not in education-I work full time so he's not a distraction! He has even offered to meet the parents to put their minds at rest (although mum isn't even willing to let this happen!).

I can understand where my mum is coming from though and hope we can sort this out!

[inferno]

You are legally an adult at 18 - is she threatening to throw you out if you don't stop seeing him?

[Robinia]

It's a shame that your mum won't compromise & meet him jay.  Do you have a relative, an aunt maybe, who would be willing to have a casual coffee with you both?  Your mum might accept reassurance from another older person.  The reason I say this is because when I was 16 I was seeing a 21 yr old for a while & yes, my mum went mad too. However, she obviously had a grumble to our neighbour who, as luck would have it, knew him & his family & told my mum I'd be fine with him.

All the best, I hope you work it out.
What I'd always wanted to tell her (& never dared) was that it was the boys my own age who always tried it on & the older ones had much more respect!

[ianess]

My eldest married someone 9 years older than her.  We met him after they'd been going together for 3 weeks and they were announcing their engagement.  6 years down the line we have a beautiful grandson that everyone dotes on.  The age difference only matters if you let it.  Parents sometimes worry!!

[elleroo]

PERSEVERE.

if you think he is worth it then ride the problem out. try talking to your mum on an adult level and tell her your feelings for the guy. i think its also a good idea for her to meet him a few times to make up a proper oinion for herself. im with a man 14 years older, im sure my parents were a little aprehensive as i'll always be their baby no matter how old i am. we have been together over a year and things are great.

age isnt always everything!

but honestly, if you think he is worth all this then there must be some feelings there, so approach your mum and have a heart to heart, it cant be any worse than it is at the moment can it?

let us know how it pans out.... and above all....GOOD LUCK!

[kazzee69]

I read you question and had loads of things to say but as I scrolled down I realised that everything had been covered. Well done you lot.

[llindsey1]

I am 24 years old and my fiance is 39. We just had a baby together and are so happy. When him and I met I was in a relationship with my little girls father who is just a few years older. We never got along at all. Now the man im with I am so happy. And in love. He treats me and my children like gods does everything for us. The nice thing about an older man is they know what they want from life. And its nice when they choose you. But about your parents see if thet will get to know him. My parents love my fiance. Even my daughters father likes him alot because he knows he makes me happy. If your parents keep persisting they may see something in him you may be blind to. Whatever happens keep your parents in mind because they love you. As annoying as they can be they they have your best interest at heart. Goodluck!

[mad_mum]

well i can say i was 19 when i met my husband and he was nearly 28 and within 6 months i had moved in with him , i had my first child by the time i was 20 and my second by the time i was 22 and i been married nearly 8 years now, so i really don't think the age gap matters and it hasn't bothered us. is not that big of a age gap anyway but i really do think you need to sit down with ya mum and talk to her about it, tell her that at 18 she should let u go abit and not to rap u in cotton wool, even though u know it will be hard for her to let go, but i think u should learn  by your own mistakes , and say u can still advice me and listen , see what she says . u never know, it might just work out like me and my husband as so far!