New Diet

maggiebee | 11:38 Wed 14th Oct 2015 | Jokes

2 Answers

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had - an elephant?

Since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no,
I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I
probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd
lost 10lbs before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arm.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with dog food nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish
Setter's arris and a car hit me.

I thought the chap behind her was going to have a heart attack as he was
laughing so hard. As a result of all the fracas, I'm now banned from all
Tesco stores.