A Few Smiles..........

[Shaglene]

I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection ... but she did.
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I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
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A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.
The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from? You sound English".
"I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously.
"What do you do, just across the Severn?".
"I'm a taxidermist."
"What on earth is one of those?"
"I mount animals."
"Its alright boys," shouts the barman "he's one of us."
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I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
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My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One’s a superhero and the other is an instruction.
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A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back.
He says what do you expect? You’re in a wheel chair.
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The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
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Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I’m texting you from the casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.