Why Not Just Get Married?

[dave50]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-45348176/bereavement-allowance-widowed-mum-on-why-her-kids-are-penalised
When they knew that he was ill, surely they would have known the consequences of not being married so why not just pop down to the registry office and get married? How long would have taken, twenty minutes, half an hour? What is it about these people who refuse point blank to get married no matter what, what are they trying to prove? I do not understand the mentality, so against marriage but yet will be together for years and have children. Can someone please explain?

[Rockrose]

Lets turn this back on to you - why do they have to get married?
They have proven their commitment to each other without marriage.

[murraymints]

..but have thereby precluded themselves from any "what if" financial remunerations...

[rowanwitch]

No one shoul;d be penalised for not getting married, but this might have been resolved if heterosexual couples could have a civil partnership. There has to be some quantifiable measure to prove a committed relationship or anyone could say we've been together x amount of years I should get this. I didn't need to marry my Dave, there was no chance of children but for the ease of dealing with things I am so glad we did

[Old_Geezer]

Why be forced into a pointless ceremony by a State that can't be inclusive and fair enough to treat all equally regardless ? I don't understand the mentality of those who claim not to understand.

[dannyk13]

Can somebody explain what the difference is between a civil partnership and getting married at at a register office?

[Baldric]

// Currently you are not eligible to receive bereavement payments if you were not married or in a civil union with your partner //

Seems straightforward enough.

[dave50]

But what harm can it do to get married? It wont hurt anyone and there are advantages as this story points out? What are they afraid of? Also, why is a civil ceremony ok but not a marriage ceremony?

[Rockrose]

Exactly Rowan, I had friends that did not want to be married but in the end did because they had children - her parents would have had more rights over them than their father!
That is wrong - not everyone wants to be married and should not be forced into to fit into a society norm.

[Maydup]

You're right it takes 20 minutes and we did it that way. We did it abroad too, just avoid all the fuss completely, otherwise the extended family would have expected something we simply didnt want. Nevertheless, it was still a case of if you cant beat them join them!

[dannyk13]

//That is wrong - not everyone wants to be married and should not be forced into to fit into a society norm.//
Fair enough as long as they realise the consequences that may arise in the future, e.g loss of certain benefits.

[cassa333]

For the purposes of this case and probably many other things as well Marriage, civil partnership whatever you want to call it is just an official way of determining relationship status.

Without official status your relationship could be construed as just hearsay and open to abuse for the purpose of financial gain.

[rowanwitch]

I know of two close friends not in a partner type relationship but who live together and who are dependant on each other one way financially the other direction care needs who want to enter into a civil partnership once the hetero option is available

[naomi24]

//not everyone wants to be married and should not be forced into to fit into a society norm.//

True – but if they want to benefit from society they must be required to meet some sort of formal criteria. Otherwise anyone could say anything.

[1ozzy]

//Why Not Just Get Married?//

Why not not get married?
Does it make you less of a partner or parent?

[woofgang]

My DH and I got married because we had to be if I wanted to travel with him on British Merchant Navy ships.....it was to avoid (or at least minimise the circumstances which arise in a mixed gender closed mainly hetero community and which can be prejudicial to good discipline and good health!

[ToraToraTora]

stubborn fools kicking up a fuss because they are too stupid to optimise the rules. Ok they don't agree with the rules so they'd rather cut off their nose to spite their face than take advantage. Bang on Dave they should have just got married and save a whole world of pain for themselves and the country. Not to mention paying huge amounts to scum sucking lawyers. As baldrick would say, "stupidy stupidy stupidy"!

Who gets bereavement allowance? I've know a few people who have lost their spouse but they never mention it.

[naomi24]

TTT, I might be wrong but I think widows under a certain age, with children, are entitled to bereavement payments.

[murraymints]

https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-payment

[naomi24]

Was just about to post that, Murraymints.

[ToraToraTora]

ok thanks ladies! I love this bit from the link:
"over State Pension age and your husband, wife or civil partner wasn’t entitled to a State Pension based on their own national insurance contributions" - so you only qualify if they were over state pension age but not paid into the system enough to get a state pension! So we reward sloth and punish prudence! Right oh!