I don't insist, I just ask. And sometimes not even that. I *do* insist on using my given name, but that should barely need any defence. Most people, in my experience, seem to be only too happy to refer to me the way I'd obviously wish to be. Whether that's because they only actually see a woman, or because they understand that there's no reason to be anything other than polite, you'd have to ask them. For those who don't, it's a weird hill to die on for sure. Why bother when it's inevitably going to create conflict? And if it genuinely bothers you then there are easy neutral ways around it -- by, for example, always referring to someone in the third person by their name.
As for how to refer to trans people who are members of AB, well, it's not really me insisting, is it? It's part of the
Site Rules.