suicide...

[Dougie69]

Not a very up-beat topic of conversation, I know, but it's not something that's easily discussed with loved ones without alarming them.

I don't really have a question, I was just wondering if there was anybody else out there that's going through similar difficulties that I am.

I've been desperately unhappy for most of my adult life and tried to kill myself about five years ago by taking pills and alcohol. Vomiting shortly after probably stopped it from happening though I did feel really bad for about a week after it. The main cause of my sadness is probably relationships, or, lack of ! I was, and still am, deeply in love with someone who couldn't reciprocate it and is with someone else and though we stayed friends after I declared my feelings, it's tapered away now to the point where we hardly see each other. This has been shattering for me and I've tried as hard as possible to get on with my life, getting involved in sports and hobbies, and I have a lot of really great friends who are very supportive, but I'm still alone, scared, and utterly miserable.

The only thing that's stopped me from attempting suicide again is the thought of what it would do to my mother, who would be devastated mentally as well as financially as I have a lot of debt. The other thing stopping me, pathetic as it may sound, is the responsibility I have as a dog owner, but if any of these two things in my life were gone, I think it would definitely tip me over.

I've been to my GP, who was very understanding, and was referred to a counsellor, but unbelievably, in so many words, he basically just told me to "Give myself a shake" ! At the time, I wasn't at my lowest or that could have tipped me over, and I know that he was probably just a one off, but it has put me off seeking any other professional for help.

Sorry to post such a depressing article here but hey, that's life !

[Blyss]

firstly ...hugs you !!
You are very brave to post your feelings so openly on the net.
I would if I was you go back to your GP and since he was so understanding he may be able to get you another councler.
There is also many many self help groups out there and also online .
I have suffered from depression for many years and I have always said that ,, if someone knocked on my front door tomorrow and told me I had own the lottery ...I would still be depressed , I would feel the same if they knocked my door and told me My family had been killed in a car crash.
You are very down and in need of some help my love , I wish I could help you , Im sure your doctor can and will help you and your family to come o terms with your illness .

always rremember your not alone.

[lady_p_gold]

Well Dougie, I do believe that some people are just born happier than others and can cope with rejection and all the horrible things in life without seeming to lose their cheerful outlook. By the same token it would seem that for whatever reason, you find that very very hard and that you feel things very deeply and there is nothing at this moment that is making you have any 'joy'. There are no glib answers because nobody who says do this or that are not you, and cannot know the depth of misery that you have felt. If love is not returned then eventually most people move on and find happiness with another, and perhaps this is the key to it, because although you have not got that love, it may not have been the answer. Somewhere there may be a key to what can bring joy to you and a reason for living, perhaps a child, a cause, or just finding within yourself what it is that is really making you feel like this. We are all alone really when it comes to the crunch, even though people are around you, you have to be happy in your own company and this is what you do not seem to be able to do. There are no answers really except to say that the choice you have made so far, to stick with us in the world, is the best one .. because the alternative is just nothing .. .but I do not know how to make you feel valued, but just felt I had to reply with warmth and hope that you find your way to feeling more comfortable in that world.

[joko]

you don't say if you are on medication but i would seriously suggest getting some.

change doctors if necessary.

you are clearly medically depressed and just waiting for it to pass won't work - it may take years or may not happen at all

that counsellor needs reporting!

there are some herbal remedies if you want to try them out first

5HTP...or...st johns wort (one or the other - i favour 5htp)

a remedy called 'connect' by higher nature

Kalms

Rescue remedy

all available from health food shops or chemist or online

the other can be used together

try also a book called 'your erroneous zones' by dr wayne w dyer

i found this very good a changing the way you think about things

[stanleyman]

Your last words "that's life !" really sum things up. We all go through these things at one time or another but it is how you handle it that counts. Some people give up, some keep fighting, which are you?

I really don't mean to be un-sympathetic, I know what depression is like but sometimes we have to give ourselves a good kick up the backside to get out of the rut and stop feeling sorry for ourselves. There is always someone else worse off than you, try thinking about them and realise how lucky you really are.

Relationships come and go, thats how we find out if we are compatable, you can't keep dwelling on the past, let it go. You have your whole future ahead and many exciting experiences and adventures to look forward to if you would only allow yourself. If you don't want to make the most of your life, let me have it, I could work miracles if I could go back twenty years or so. Good luck.

[Ethmer]

Life isn't fair. We are each dealt different levels of difficulty in our lives. The best we can do is to decide that we CAN overcome the obstacles set before us and go on to live happy and rewarding lives.

Sports are good but consider, too, getting involved in a volunteer group or two. You will find that it is very rewarding and not only helps you but also helps others.

You are not alone! Many of us have been where you are. It just takes a little self-determination to overcome and find the rewards that life really does have to offer.

[morg_monster]

the last two posts make valid points but i agree with joko. this doesn't sound like 'the blues' or a bout of depression that many people get every now and then, that will pass. Depression is a serious illness which will most likely be present in some form for most of your life. You really should go and see your doctor again, since he was sympathetic, I'm sure he can recommend someone else to talk to. To manage depression it is I'm sure a good idea to be in regular contact with a counsellor of some form or another. Counselling is also useful to help you come to terms with the fact that this is probably not going to go aware completely, just get better sometimes, and worse sometimes.

Joko's remedies sound like a good start if you are wary of pharmaceuticals but talk to your doctor and people at hollands and barretts or wherever and be aware of interactions with other medications. I know anti depressants get a bad press sometimes but they do work very well for many people and may well help you too to get on with your life.

[brawburd]

When someone is clinically depressed, being told to kick themselves up the backside or think of others worse off simply adds to the guilt and self-loathing they are already experiencing. Yes we all feel sorry for ourselves at times and may be self-indulgent in that respect, but that's not depression.

With all respect Stanleyman you don't sound as if you do not what depression is like. And if you do, you should know better than to make such comments. Depression isn't about giving up, its about a real struggle against the debilitating symptoms of a real illness.

We can of course change some of the ways we behave or respond to situations. But simply wanting to doesn't provide the tools to do so.

Dougie69 - ask your GP about your local CMHT (Community Mental Health Team) which is a multi-disciplinary team. They tend to have a wider view than either GPs or primary health care services, informed by the many disciplines that are involved (psychiatry, psychology, nursing, social work, occupational therapy etc).

Good luck, hope life starts to feel easier for you.

[littlemissx]

i agree with brawburd.

i work for a mental health crisis team and we liase with gps and cmht's.

your GP would need to refer you to the cmht but you may also benefit from finding out your local crisis teams phone number.

if they are anything like us we work 24hrs and have an on call system. you can call at any time of day or night if you feel you are in crisis. this isnt a samaratan service that just listens to your problems etc but if you arent yet registered witha cmht etc but are maybe feeling suicidal they are there to help.

good luck and i hope things take a turn for the better for you x

[stanleyman]

With respect Brawburd, where does Dougie say he is clinically depressed? How can you diagnose this? He is basicly having problems coming to terms with his lovelife or so he says. He may well be suffering some degree of depression and I was simply echoing his GP's comment and the reason for it. Why read more into it?

[joko]

anyone who is even seriously considering suicide has a problem - dougie has actually attempted it!!
If the 69 means his DOB then its not some teen angst, 'wanting attention' behaviour.

any GP will tell him he is clinically depressed - thats obvious. it is only diagnosed by listening to symptoms and analysing his responses to questions - there are no medical tests to determine it!

[Dougie69]

Hi. Thanks very much to every one of you for your replies. I'll read them over and over again to try and get some perspective on things. I'll check the websites mentioned in your replies, and I will go back to my GP for referral to another counsellor. I really do appreciate all the warmth and thought that everybody's put in to their answers and I found every one of them helpfull (especially yours, Lady_P_Gold) Thanks again everyone.

[alijangra]

I can empathise greatly with your situation. I was lucky enough to get a good GP (eventually, after about 7 years of nothing been done!) who referred me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed clinical depression. They decided the best way foward was to prescribe medication (prozac) and refer me for counselling and a behavioural psychologist( waiting time was a bit of a pain but it got started after a month or two)

Prozac has many scare stories on the net, and I will admit its not for everyone but I could understand the way it worked and why it was helping me.Although it is a chemical it works on your serotonin levels so its actually your own 'feel good' chemical thats being increased. Even on 40mg a day, I felt in control and the only side effects I had were physical and rather mild.

Medication is not the only answer, but well worth a try. Many people will try and tell you 'you shouldnt rely on pills' and go for natural options. But as I have said in previous answers to other questions, as a nurse I see people who would not be alive were it not for the pills they take every day.

My depression is getting better all the time, my medication is now halved. I believe starting the medication is the best thing I have done in my battle against this illness. I am very open about my condition and talk unashamedly about it to family and friends. I have never in my life had so much confidence and self esteem, have lost the excess weight I carried due to my habit for comfort eating in darker times. I am away to give up my career to return to college to resit exams to get me into University to do Pharmacy. I have always wanted to do this but never thought I was good enough.

I wish you luck on your journey to beat this illness, gain your self-confidence and be the person you want to be. xxxxx Alison

[brawburd]

Stanleyman - read my response properly. I did not say Dougie 69 was depressed. My comments about depression were made in response to your own statement "I know what depression is like". My advice to Dougie69 was to seek referral to a CMHT. The benefit of this is that they don't offer only a medical view of someone's mental health.

[tigilou]

Dear Dougie Very recently somebody whom i know committed suicide leaving wonderful parents children etc to see the pain on all there faces is unbearable to see. Please please go and see the doctor again and tell him how you feel and get all the help you need. I wish you all the very best and hope you soon feel betterxxxx

[Greedyfly]

Medication is not always the answer!!!! I have been on medication from the age of 7 and believe me it hasnt helped, you do need to see a different doctor and explain all including your 'help' incident and get referred to see someone again, this time it will hopefully be someone understanding and helpful.

Although hard you do need to keep a hold of something and you have your mother and your dog, which is more than some so thats a positive thing in your life. There is help out there sometimes hard to take and hard to find but your doctor is your best bet and if you feel that he/she isnt helping enough then change doctors. As previously said there are groups that you can attend without going to the doctor also places like relate - which is a group dedicated to help people with a whole range of problems. The main thing is to let someone in and let them try to help you so you can help yourself. Hope all gets better soon and that you feel better in your self.

[Gnisy]

Pull yourself together, mac. Have a target in life. Work for it. Achieve it. Everything else will fall in place. Stop whining ( yes, you do whine ) Start feeling good about yourself. Tell yourself you're good enough, you're fast enough, you're good-looking enough but most important of all do it regularly. Lastly, if you accept the fact that being depressed is part of life, you're right. But if you think that being depressed defines your life, you really need a shake.

God helps those who help themselves.
Best of luck.

[stanleyman]

Brawburd may I first remind you that I am entitled to my opinion just the same as anyone else whether you like it or not. Secondly you know nothing about me and my experiences with depression, so what gives you the right to criticise and tell me what I should know?

You mentioned and infered that Dougie had clinical depression by criticising my comments, he has never mentioned being depressed. He may not like it but if a kick up the backside or a shake gets him to either seek help as has been suggested or takes some other positive action then it works. Labeling someone who is in his own words is just lonely, scared and miserable as mentally ill without even knowing them is to my mind very scarey, or perhap it's just me that's mad.

[littlemissx]

stanleyman and barwburd!!!!!

pull yourselves together!!!!! Goug came on her for some advice and maybe some help. what he didnt post his question for was to see two individuals arguing!!!!

please have a little respect and continue your arguements on another post.

Thank you

[brawburd]

..... which is why I challenged Stanleyman's statement and offered a response to Dougie based on my personal, family and professional experience. Suicidal ideation does not reflect good mental health, as Dougie has himself identified.

Hopefully Dougie, what you can take away from all the posts is that, though your own situation and feelings are unique, people do understand and there are various avenues for support.