I Hate Myself

[Roughquest]

Hi, I drove 250 miles to see my family most of whom I have not seen for over a year. I stayed with my sister and her husband which was great, and I was so excited to see everyone again. But my sis and bro in law cooked a meal for me and one of my brothers and a friend of their's. Well the evening was going well and the wine was flowing, my brother left to go home and that left me with this friend of their's and we were flirting rather badly (he told me I was a good kisser lol!), he is married with children but his other half is away in Oz and well - we started kissing and stuff. Then my bro in law got really angry with me, this guy left, and then both my sis and her husband had a real go at me for behaving in such a way and in my drunken speech i kept saying 'it takes 2 to tango' but they made me feel like it was my fault 'throwing myself at him'. We had all been drinking and I just got up and was about to go to bed and my brother in law ran upstairs got all my clothes and toiletries and threw them out onto the front lawn. He told me to leave. I know I have hurt my sis terribly, I still have a lot of my things at their house, but not sure how to approach them to get them to send it on, I love my sister and bro in law and we get on really well, but I know I have behaved badly, but I am sat here feeling sorry for myself and disgusted with myself, I know they hate me but they have not even contacted me to see if I reached home in one piece!

I feel utterly dreadful and sick to the stomach I miss my family so much. I don't think they will ever talk to me again.They don't care about me.

RQ x

[Dan Glebitts]

just take to it calmly and cooly. Dont rely on the 'two to tango' phrase, it may be true but it didnt work. He should have known better than to kiss you if he was married, why did he leave? dont be too hard on yourself and just leave it for a few days. After time you will all have had time to think about it and then when you feel ready make a move eg invite ur sis round for a chat or something. Dont worry, it should turn out okay. ;o)

[bob57]

write a letter to say sorry explain it was a mistake probably brought on by the drink and wait for a reply failing that try to get your brother to speak to your sister

life is too short to hold grudges for far too long

[Roughquest]

In my drunken haze, I don't know why this guy left, maybe they told him to leave, I really am not sure, its all a blur. They live 250 miles away, so they can't exactly 'pop round' to discuss things.

[Dan Glebitts]

bob57s got the right idea, it wasnt your fault and they should know that.

[Minxie]

Dont be so hard on yourself Roughquest. The married guy was obviously flirting with you too. So dont take all the blame. Alcohol makes you do things you often regret later. And your family would have to be very mean if they didnt ever talk to you again just because of what happened.

Leave it a few days, and give your sister a ring or drop her a note. I hope it all works out fine for you xx

[Froggy_Queen]

Please don't feel too bad about it!!

You are right, it does 'take 2 to tango' and you are not entirely faultless. Maybe you've touched on a raw nerve in their relationship without meaning to.

I'm sure they feel just as bad for their behaviour so take the first step and call them. They'll probably be grateful you did.

[~Ruby~]

Are you single? If so, then I know you know this guy was married but he could have said NO! You didn't hold a gun to his head, and while I think your sister and brother in law were probably embarrassed, they had no rigth acting like they did! Especially your brother in law throwing your clothes out! If my husband had done that to my sister, I would have thrown him out!

I think you should just call your sister and apologise but make sure you maturey get across the point that you were drunk and not alone in the wrong doing! Also once you have apologised to them both, leave it at that. If they keep bringing it up then its not fair. Simply say 'I have apologised, now can we forget it'! Hopefully you will all be able to look back on this and laugh. But also I would want an apology from the brother in law! He threw your clothes out! How rude!

[~Ruby~]

maturely*

[Roughquest]

Yes I am single, and I do know that sometimes I misread signals from the opp. sex especially when tipsy, but I can't help it... I naturally repsond when a guy flirts with me, perhaps more than I should - I knew he was married. My sister did try to stop her husband from throwing out my things, but he overpowered her plees, I am looking at the pile of my clothes, most of them ruined and muddy. :( I still cannot believe it all kicked off the way it did......

[sharpy36]

stop drinking.your F,kin your life up aswell as those around you,Ive been married 18 years and if my wife behaved like that ,she`d be on the street.ATAF

[Dolly1308]

Men will always take what is offered to them ,that's their nature .So don't go offering yourself get a bit of respect for yourself and keep off the booze if you cannot control yourself . That way your clothes will not get thrown out in the mud and you'll still be on good terms with your family.

[user66]

Roughquest....don't be too hard on yourself babe....I still love you !...your family need to lighten up a little methinks !

[WendyS]

Well, you did rather abuse their hospitality, didn't you? and just because it's family you were visiting it doesn't mean that the usual rules of good manners shouldn't apply. I'm sure they were pretty angry at you wrecking their Bank Holiday week-end. The only thing you can do is write them them an abject letter of apology for your behaviour, say that you have learnt you lesson about drinking too much and hope that they will forgive you for the embarrassment you caused.

[Roughquest]

Thank you Sharpy36 / WendyS....most insightful. Thanks for the critiscism, it was a party afterall, why are you blaming me ? You were not there, so therefore have no right to judge me. As for User66 - thank you! My family do need to lighten up, afterall they are still friends with this guy and are treating me like the perpertrator here which is not the case, he had been coming on to me all evening - he even told me what a high sex drive he had and that was before the drink LOL. It was a harmless bit of kissing, men are weak, its that simple. No matter what happened I would not have let my own husband throw my sister out ! Not ever, and she goes to church - calls herself a christian ? I think not. I have asked for my things back, but they want to courier them to me and I they have asked me to pay the fee!

[Roughquest]

I live 250 miles away, have my own house etc and I am lucky if I ever get to see my family, they NEVER make the effort to come to see me, I am on a limited income, and have just paid �60 pounds in petrol to see them - once in a year. Which looking at what I have just typed, I know I am a really lovely person, generous, kind, forgiving, tolerant. So why should I extend the olive branch ? Anyone would think I have murdered someone. Thank you User66 and Ruby, and Dan Glebitts - you truly do understand how hurt I feel.

[~Ruby~]

I completely disagree with Sharply... Stop drinking her life away? For a start.. one drunken night does not mean she should attend AA meeting! Why shouldn't she have a drink and a laugh? You said 'if your wife behaved like that'? Well its a good job she is so well behaved then, isn't it! Pffft! But RQ isn't married. She is single! Yes it was probably wrong to do anything with this man as he is married but at the same time.. she was drunk! We have all done something stupid when we were drunk and I refuse to believe anyone who says otherwise!

I went out with some friends a few weeks back and some guys bought us some wine and got us very very drunk. One of them was married but I ended up kissing him. I was p*ssed out of my head and no-one could have stopped me! Do I regret it? Not really. It was one little kiss and I was drunk. I learnt from it.

RQ - I think that the way your brother in law behaved was shocking and he is the one who should be apologising. I agree you should apologise for you behaviour but who you do and do not kiss is nothing to do with them. If anything they should be shouting at their married friend more! Once you have apologised, leave it at that. There is only so many times you can say sorry before it gets repetitive and meaningless.

Ruby xx (btw I am Rubyrose.. but my account was banned) :o)

[youngrusscle]

No one has any right to judge you one here RQ i feel truly sorry for you....i have done some wrong things in my life...and i am only 18...but no one can understand as only you yourself know why and how anything happens. i'm sure that your family do care about you, maybe they were worried about what was going to come of this...therefore they thought the best thing to do was get rid of this bloke (since he is married) but throwing you out that was below the belt, they should have at least let you stay the night then talk about it in the morning. and even then if they didnt want to talk about it....you could have just thanked them for their hospitality, apoligised for what happened. and left. at least to be on speaking terms with your sister. maybe your brother in law is stopping your sister from contacting you, since he dismissed her plees when he was throwing your things out..? But either way i would still text/call/email her...but dont write cos he mite throw the letter away. and i agree with you totally Sharoy and Wendy stop being so harsh! everyone has drunken moments, where anything can happen...don't be too hard on RQ, think of how upset and hurt she is feeling right now...your insults can't help right now! xxxxx lots of love xxx hope its all worked out xxx

[youngrusscle]

sharpy**

[Dan Glebitts]

We all make mistakes and in hindsight we all would have done things differently. hope everything turns ot okay. Take care, luv Dan ;o)

[KateMerrills]

Youngrusscel is right, No body should judge anybody especially on this site as people come here for advice not insults.

Yes you shouldn't have kissed him but I think you know that, but we are all entitled to make mistakes, after all that is what makes us Human.

You could have done worse, lets face it, you could have slept with him.

As for throwing you out, that was disgusting, you admit quite readily you had a lot to drink and I'm assuming that it was late and dark, you were 250 miles away from home and wonder if you had any money for accomodation as you say you are on a limited income, you couldn't of driven anywhere safely, the worst they should have done was ask you to spend the night as pre arranged and had you leave 1st thing in the morning.

As for the bill for a courier? Well, I would say yes, get your things back and never speak to him again.