Bullying at school

[hammerman]

Bit of a long question so please bear with me.

My daughter is 8 and, in her class, is a lad....i'll call him Charlie who is the same age. He lives up the road with his mum and his nan and grandad live opposite me.

Until recently, both the nan and myself used to share the school runs....she's take both kids and i'd pick them up. But both the kids tended to niggle each other to the extent that one day, i suggested we take our own kids for a while.

This prompted the other family to completely stop talking to us and for the child to start a one man bullying campaign against my daughter.

Now i've told her on no circumstances must she retalliate or even talk to this kid unless she has to....just leave him alone and walk away from any trouble. I ask her every day if there's been any incidents with him and more often than not, there has either been some name calling by this boy or occasionally a bit of physical violence.

This came to a head yesterday when the boy threatened to bring a knife in and stab my daughter in front of other class members. I phoned her teacher who has "dealt with it" and it'll go no further.
But i'm not really happy with that. The kid is always punching other lads in the playground and getting thrown out of class or put on warnings for misbehaving.

What....as parents, would you do. I don't want to go blasting in feet first but on the other hand, i really need to know my daughter's safe at school.

Help !!!

[yummymum]

This is a hard one, I would give it a week at the most if there are any other incidents no matter how small I would go into the school and ask that the boys parents are also involved. If the boy as been dealt with properly then he should know to stay well away from you daughter and you will soon see if that is the case. Why dont you ring the school and ask exactly how they dealt with this boy, that way then you can judge if you think anything else needs to be done. I would suspect that this lad actually liked going to school with your daughrter even though they used to argue and this is just his reaction to not being allowed to any more, I would doubt that he would actually cause her such harm but I agree its some thing you need to be aware of.
Good Luck, let us know how you go on.

[saxy_jag]

Head teacher and class teacher are your first port of call. However, if nothing seems to be being done, contact a governor. They should have a special sub-committee to deal with discipline.

Have you spoken to other parents about this child? If a group of you asked for action, you might have a little more effect.

[curlyperm]

Although i agree that the other previous answers are all good sound advice - unless you are in that EXACT predicament yourself, its an impossible situation to imagine. i have had various reasons to go into school to 'sort' things out cos of this and that, and i too have not wanted to go in feet first (i'd rather grab the child involved and ram his or her head through the wall) but didnt, however i DO think that this little *****' parents NEED to be informed and immediatley!! You would never forgive yourself if anything happenned, and he sounds a horrible child capable of much more than he should be for his age. He should be monitered at break-times too, please dont just sit back worrying, GET BACK IN THERE and start the ball rolling!
Before anyone starts criticising me for saying i'd like to 'ram his or her head through the wall' i was speaking metophorically of course, i wouldnt condone violence blah blah blah .... Oh and hammmerman i wish you the very best of luck!! and i do hope you get it sorted, and soon xx

[wee-janine]

My son was in a similar position to your daughter. He wrote about it in his jotter one night and it had been mentioned in class that he was becoming more quiet and with drawn. Like you I had told him not to retaliate. However when the school really were not doing enough to combat this I finally snapped and told him to " Thump the kid and if the school contacted me I would deal with them." It did not come to that , just by my son threatening to "Thump" him the kid realised that he was not an easy target. This soon stopped the behaviour and all was well again. Whilst I do not normally condone violence on this occasion the mere threat was all it took. I hope things work out for your little one too. Good luck.

[kaylamay]

I too would be at the school with the teacher and the Head AND the mother! We would all have a nice little chat and get it all settled. I would also make it clear that if her son or other family members retaliate then you will press charges. I would also let then school know you are putting them on notice and if they cannot guarantee the physical and emotional safety of your daughter you will bring them up on charges also. The school should implement a zero tolerance for such continued behavior.
Mikala

[FlowerPetal]

I had the same problem when my stepson was around that age - and too be honest its just started happening again at secondary.
We told him to walk away and not to antagonise the trouble maker - but after your child comes home day after day sobbing, it gets a bit too much to bear and we told him to hit back. He didnt, but like Wee-Janine says, just that thought was enough.
We spoke to the school, i told them how angry i was and what I wanted done, then i stood back and let them follow their procedures etc - when i realised that it wasnt getting any better, i went back in and wrote many letters (Which they HAVE to keep for OfSTED).
You can of course report they failure to keep your daughter safe to OfSTED - or at least threaten them with reporting them...........they soon begin to skip to the beat!
With secondary school, its very different, and at the age of 11- bearly a year from primary school, my stepson was expected to "grow up" soo damn quickly. His head of Year has soon found out that I'm not a parent he can fob off with long and supposedly 'educational' words!

In short, my advice - COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN & COMPLAIN. Nobody has a right to be physically abusive and if your child is in ANY form of danger or intimidation, then you have right to make your opinions and concerns known.

Good luck and let us know how you all get on.
Let your little girl know shes in no way responsible for the situation and that she is loved very much.

Flower xx

[dove]

I also have had a problem with my eight year old daughter being bullied, although it was 'being dealt with' in my opinion nothing was changing, she was coming home from school on a daily basis with some new mark on her. I started putting everything in writing, and sent e mails daily to the head teacher, I also requested that she reply to them all, within two weeks the bully was no longer a bully. The head teacher absolutely hated having to acknowledge on paper that it was an ongoing problem, and miraculously acted in a proper fashion and got it sorted.
My heart goes out to you hammerman.
I honestly believe that if you put it in letters to the head and ask for replies,that it will be sorted out sooner than later.
I wish you all the very best.

[hammerman]

WOW..!!! thanks guys (n gals).

I phoned the school up and spoke to her teacher. They have spoken to the bully's mum (who's a nasty piece of work by the way.....2 kids by 2 different blokes from one night stands and now the mother is in a full on relationship with another woman )

Anyway, the next day, they had my daughter, the witness and the bully infront of the head mistress. They gave their views and i understand that they agreed a truce and to keep out of each others way.

I will be monitoring the situation closely and every incident, however small will be logged in a diary. I will also be going to speak to my daughter's teacher as soon as is convenient.

Once again....many thanks for your help and words of encouragement.

Andy