Dating help needed!

[nicnic]

Just wondering if anyone can help me here. I've started doing the internet dating thing and met someone last week. We got on really well and all the signs were great, he even asked to see me again at the end of the night.

However, I think I've ruined things. I'm a naturally friendly person always texting and wanting to chat online. I think this time it's backfired though and he's decided I'm being too clingy or thats what I think. He hasn't said it, but has now decided that he's too busy on Wednesday when were going to meet. I've emailed to explain myself but no reply as of yet. I really like this person and I don't want to have messed everything up.

Any ideas of what I can do to salvage things, or do you think I've just messed up. I'm not being clingy at all, just being nice and just the way I am. I hate to have to think I have to change my ways just to attract a partner or friend.

[Sasha13]

Sorry, but I've learned the hard way that at the beginning of a relationship (or potential relationship) you almost do have to change your ways to attract a partner. I'm just like you and am naturally chatty and this has backfired on me too. So now, I play it totally cool, would never dream of texting a guy first after a date and will wait hours to reply to any texts that they send. If you are too readily available to a guy they will back off - you're not a challenge. It's about giving them the impression that you could take or leave them and are a very busy lady - they are not your top prority. In terms of this guy , I'd back totally off. Don't contact him again and see if he contacts you. If he doesn't, then he's not interested and nothing you can say or do will change that. Good luck! xxx

[raysparx1]

Hello nicnic,

Relax a bit you don't know that is the reason, he may well be telling the truth, if he wants to see you again he will contact you, so just be patient, no way should you change who you are just to attract a partner, well not if you are normal and wash etc,people will like you for being you, it never works trying to be something you are not, if he said he would like to see you again he probably would like to,but whatever you do,don't bombard him with e-mails otherwise that could well put him off, hope it works for you, good luck, Ray

[Blyss]

he might really be busy , my x hubby has just started chatting to a woman online and since last night all his plans for valentines night have now changed ,, cus Im giving him the kids ..lol so I can have a romantic night out.
So if your the one chatting to Him ,, he may be telling the truth.
good luck with whomever your chatting to anyways ,
Its great meeting ppl ononline.

[curlyperm]

Hey blyss........fella in question could be your ex, and he really is busy on wed now you given him the kids ; )

[Sasha13]

pa________________ul (been dying to do that for ages but never responded to one of your posts!) There's a difference though between being chatty on a date (i.e. when face to face with someone) and being over zealous with texts/MSN. nicnic - Don't ever not be chatty on a date - that's you and you should never change that to attract someone. What I'm saying is that when you're NOT with them, don't appear too available. Otherwise, where's the challenge? x

[nicnic]

Thanks everyone. I do think I've blown it actually, by being the way I am but I just have to face facts that I've put him off. If he does want me, he knows where I am I suppose. And I think Sasha13 is right, I need to learn my lesson and play hard to get a bit more.

I know he does like me, and he did want to see me again - he suggested it, not me. But I think I've messed up any chance of that. So, I'll back off and if he likes me as much as he says, he'll soon be in touch.

[Sasha13]

Something else I should have mentioned - nicnic - is it possible, even if you think you aren't being clingy, that someone else (who doens't know you that well, remember) may get a different impression? I'm not saying he will have done, but he might??

[Sasha13]

Sorry, we all posted at the same time. No matter what has happened up till now, if he wants to see you again, he'll contact you. If not he wasn't worth it anyway. And don't worry too much about playing hard to get - it's just that, to begin with blokes like a bit of a chase (I find) so let him chase a bit!

[~max~]

I've just thought of something (wayhey! lol). Do you thing it's possible that, at the time you arranged to meet again, he hadn't actually realised it's Valentines day?? Maybe it suddenly dawned on him and he doesn't want to take you out that night so it doesn't look too "couply", as it is only your second date?
Don't know, just a thought! You know how guys are! lol

[Sasha13]

That's a good point. If that's the case, he'll almost definitely get in touch again and suggest going out on a different day.

[nicnic]

hmm perhaps you're right and that's the reason he's dodgy about it. We had discussed what night it was and that town might be a bit busy etc, which is why he suggested cooking me dinner at his place. Perhaps he's got a bit scared cos it's V.day. Either way, I've given him the option of next week instead, he knows it's half term and i'll be free. (i'm not a kid by the way, work in student support!!)

[Supernick]

It drives me absolutely mental if a girl is really stand-offish at the start of a relationship. If I've been on a date that I enjoyed, I'm really excited and I want to chat to her pretty often. The quickest way for me to lose interest is to feel like I'm making all the first moves all the time, and that she's not being chatty enough. I'd be delighted with the way you've acted nicnic.

So there are 2 types of bloke out there!

[Roughquest]

Hi nicnic,

Snap! I am in the very same situation, have been out on a first date and am waiting for him to contact me, I have sent one text to thank him for a lovely night and I have not had a reply yet.....but why play these stupid 'mind games' just be yourself, you are both adults, there really is no need to change and be false, there is no point in having a hidden agenda - it does work both ways, some men do like to think they are worth chasing too and they also like to be told they are wanted IMHO. Dont play the games just be yourself honey, do let us know what happens please ! All the best in your quest ;-) xx

[Sasha13]

Supernick and Roughquest and nicnic, would you mind if I asked how old you are? I ask because I think it's different for people of different ages.

It's not about being standoffish or playing mind games. I don't advocate playing games with anyone. It's not about letting a guy make the first moves ALL the time. But Supernick, honestly, if you NEVER had to send the first text of the day, never had to ask her out because she did it all, you'd loose interest!!!! I certainly would in a guy who text me all the time. Before you get to know someone they form an opinion of you based on what you do or don't say. If you don't say a lot (i.e. don't text all the time etc) it gives an air of mystery.
Who did you all fancy at school? The geeky kid (nicnic, I'm not saying this is you) who was always trying to make friends, or the really popular kid who rarely spoke to you? Same principle!!! I can prove it if you think it doesn't work.

[Supernick]

My age - 26.

I like a girl to show interest. I'm not saying that I want her sending 50 texts a day, but I would be happy with say up to about 10 e-mails through the working day, and a few texts.

The hard to get game never works with me. I autmonatically think that they're not bothered, and go off them fairly quickly. I say if you like someone, just show it.

[Sasha13]

OH MY GOD -you'd be ok if, after a first date you were sent 10 emails a day + texts!? If a bloke did that to me it would seriously freak me out (I'm a similar age - 28)!!!!!!

Funny how people are different isn't it?

nicnic, I guess the only thing that can be gleaned from all the answers to your qu is that everyone's different - if you feel like you should be yourself and he doesn't respond to that then it's his loss!!!

Whatever happens, keep us informed! x

[nicnic]

Well, he's said that I have been too intense and stuff. But he still thinks we could do something next week. I feel a bit rubbish now knowing I've scared him off but I've learned my lesson.