y is he so naughty

[tazz]

i have a 3 and hlf yr old boy and 2 yr old girl. my son used to b a good nice lil boy but lately he answers back, wont do as he is told, he constantly nags n very demanding. and plays up when were out somewhere like at the shops. has any1 got any advice? i feel like i failed him and is really gettin me down.

[ethanryan]

hi my son 3 in may is going through the same stage. his favourite word is no. when he tells me no i just ignore it now, if he wont do as he is told i just pick him up and put him on the sofa if he gets off i put him bk on untill he can stay there for a few minutes. if he plays up in the supermarket i put him in the trolley. i know he is a bit big for it but i just strap him in and ignore the screaming, it is hard to do but as soon as he is good again i take him out, if he is naughty again i repeat the process. they soon learn. just remember you are the boss. you def have not failed him it is part of growing up. he is testing you. i know all this seems easy for me to say but i am in the same position and if you stick with it it does work.

[tazz]

ok thanx i will try that, i do the trolly thing already. when he comes out of nursery he orders me what he wants to do n goes all hypo. its so embarressing!!! im not sure what i should say or do cos ive tried talking to him but he just dont seem to listen. we got a bakers n a chip shop at our shops n i dont like him havin chips all the time i let him once a wk on a fri. but sometimes his friends have it more days so he wants to too, but when i say no he gots mad screaming running in shops shouting n sometimes starts spitting. it really upsets me when he gets like this n i just donno what to do. just feels like its me thats doing something wrong. i love my kids to bits but he seems so angry making it hard to get close to him.

[ethanryan]

you are not the only one who has to deal with this. another one i tried was when u say you pick him up and he demands just tell him no, if he starts screaming just simply say if you cant be good you will not have a certain toy. when you get home take that toy away from him, put it somewhere he can see it but cant get to it. if you have to take 6 a day off him do it. then explain to him that if he is good tom after school he can have it back. but dont give it. always make sure if he is good then you give it him bak. he will soon learn that been naughty means he has his favourite toy taken away.
just dont give up make sure you stick to what you start.
have you tried a reward chart

[ethanryan]

also dont be embarrased by the screaming in the street, people may give you funny looks but you will find that they were once in your position. i think it makes you a better parent by ignoring the screaming rather than giving him what he wants or shouting at him.

[annie0000]

Good advice from ethanryan. Try to keep calm (hard I know!) and as far as possible totally ignore him when he is naughty and smile and encourage him when he is being good - to the point where you feel like an idiot, but it will work. e.g keep up a contstant dialog with him. "that very good putting on your jacket, aren't you a good boy putting on your jacket like that - that's very nice walking, see how you are staying beside mummy and keeping safe etc etc". My younger son used to work out ways that he could have a tantrum - he would say black was white just so that he could get himself worked up - he still does sometimes although he is 6 and a half - finally managed to totally embarrass him by videoing him in full flight and showing it to him so that he could see how ridiculous he looked!

He would get down on the ground and bang his head of the concrete - he is not stupid though,once he realised that it hurt, he woud just do a convincing act but not actually touch the ground.

You are not alone - just keep at it and it will get better as they grow - then it becomes an advantage to have two as they play together.

[treborrobert]

some nice advice from you all well done ...but ...have you thought about telling him to get things for you and put it in the trolly ? make a game out of it make it fun ..remember when you was little and mum went shopin nead i say more lol lol

[idontnoitall]

Choices are the key. When you say something mean it. Never back down. You HAVE to follow through.

Something I tried on a slightly older child was to offer them things they liked and wanted but they said no to because by then it was a habit and when they said No, i said ok you said no its finished. Now there were screams and screams, but they have to learn what no means.

Doing the above plus praising all the good things he does will help.

Try saying things like Show me your beautiful walking - not STOP RUNNING!

Buy the supernanny book - its genius.

[tazz]

thanx all 4 ur answers they r all very good. i will try everthing n c how it goes. lol wish me luck