where i can seek for help?

[richee]

im trying to help my bf to cut off drink for a while, he is not 100% acoholic, but acholic dependent, he got decent full time job and never affect his job even he is always drunk at night. he could have over 120 units of acohol per week and spent fortune on buying drinks. since we both realised the problem, we have talked to some social workers, and been gaven some advice, but nothing changed, special since my bf's best mate moved in our house over a month ago, almost most nights those two spent in the pub which is 2 mins away from where we live. now, i feel im in bad depression, special each time when i seen our housemate and my bf drunk back home, im more and more emotional and hard to control myself, last few weeks, me and my bf had lots argument and i even went to pub to drag them home, well, most time failed. i did some reaserch on website, said if you wanna help a drinker, you have to stand back from all those emotion and feelings. i tried for a week, but last night happened again. i know lots people would say i should leave my bf. but i still hold hope at moment, we love each other and get on well apart his drinking problem. i dont want to see he living the rest of life like this. but now, i feel i need sort myself out and try to stay strong and get rid of my depression, where can i get help? also, we have been arguing about his mate moving out. i really want him to move out, at least less disattractions, but my bf disagree, what shall i do?

[richee]

i dont have family around and dont have many friends here either. i dont want to call my mates all the time just moaning the acoholic bf either. everyday on my way back home from work, i always say to myself, hope he wont go to pub tonight, hope our housemate is not at home with us.
my bf always appologise when he is sober, but i know wont be long he gona get drunk again.
we havnt spent a cosy night together for ages, last night he said he will watch dvd with me, then after half hour, he said he gona go for a pint with his mate, only 20mins, asked me to wait him to watch together. after half hour, he text me he will back at half 9 insted, later on , i called him, he told me, oh go to watch dvd urself, i will stay another hour here!!!! things like this happened again and again. he spent opver 300 on drinks last week, even our joint account on overdraft already.
i feel so upset and helpless... cant control myself to stop crying. few days met a friend of mine, she was shocked to see how much weight i have lost since she last time saw me. i dont know whatelse i can do now.

[R1Geezer]

He will not change you have to boot him out.

[richee]

i dont want to give up our relationship now. it is so hard to leave someone you still love so much.

[richee]

the social worker told us he is not acholic but dependent, he doesnt drink during the day only drink at nights, he is working hard at his work, he is treating me fine apart when he is drunk. those bites make me feel there is hope. he said many times he wants to change as well and trying to back in touch with those social wokers at moment.

i cant say how long i can stay with him, but i still want to give it a bit longer time and see. however i need sort myself out now, how to be strong.

[bimbim]

Hi richee . first may I say I am an alcoholic myself although I have not had a drink for a good while now .You don't mention anything about Alchoholics Anonymous so I don't know if you have considered that but it is in AA that I got sober .
Obviously I cannot say if your bf is an alcoholic but I have heard in AA that you are either alchoholic or not , it's a bit like you cannot be a little bit pregnant . All of his behavior that you talk about sounds very like things that I have either done myself or heard from other people around the rooms of AA .
AA is not for everyone but it has worked for millions of people like myself . One of the things I learnt early on is that alchoholism is a disease - not a moral weakness . This is a very hard thing to understand I know, but it is medically recognised .
R1Gezzer is a bit harsh in what he says but may in the long term be right .
Whether or not your bf is interested in getting sober my advice to you would be to contact Al-Anon http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen this is the 'sister' organisation of AA for relatives , friends of alchoholics . The website will tell you all you need to know & there will be local phone numbers for you to call if you wish .
You are obviously in a great deal of pain yourself richee- being around alchohlics is hard but the people at Al-Anon have all been where you are now .
You have to look after yourself before you can help your bf. & there are people who will help you.
I hope this has been of some help to you richee. Give them a call - what have you got to lose ? All calls are in confidence .

[Bathsheba]

Hi richee.http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/
This site might help you.
I'm surprised by what the social worker said- alcoholic, alcohol dependant- they're just labels. Your boyfriend has clearly got a serious problem. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done until he accepts that himself.In the meantime, although it may sound harsh, you are just enabling him on this destructive course.As long as you are there at home waiting for him, he will continue.
I wish you luck xx

[richee]

thanks for all the replies.

thank you for sharing the experience,bimbim, i caled aa before, and they gave me my local service number, me and my bf have been there few times, because his working issue, he couldnt keep in touch with them. but he said he is going to book appointment again this week.

bathseba, i m no sure about those terms either, i persume those people are seeing thousands homeless acoholic all the time, compare to those people's situation, they may think my bf's not that seriously? i dont really know.


im trying to ask his mate to move out at moment, im not sure it is ood idea or not, as i know my bf will be agaist it.
or i want to move out myself. i still want to help him and support him, but i feel my mood is extra low at moment, i dont want to lose control myself.

[bednobs]

all the time you are helping and supporting hi, not to mention paying for his drink out of your jint acount, you are just enabling him to continue his lifestyle. In fact, you are not helping him at all.

[bensmum]

Hi richee - sorry but if he's dependent on alcohol he's an alcoholic. I lived with such a person for several years so I know what I'm talking about. He will not change unless he wants to and sadly that seems to be unlikely at the moment. Many alcoholics manage to hold down good jobs but if he drinks to the extent he is at the moment it will start to affect him.
Yes by continuing to be there for him you are enabling him. He has to take responsibility for his behaviour and his problem and to be honest the best way to help him might be to stand back and let him try to do just this. Al-Anon can help you with this - they help the relatives etc. of alcoholicas even if your boyfriend is not attending AA.

[richee]

thanks people for those kind replies.
i checked aa website and found some meetings going on our area to support drinkers family, i will attend this week.

im not funding him to buy drink, he is earning much more than me, so he didnt feel shame on spending that much on drinks, sadly.
i only can work part time at moment for certain reasons, so gonna be difficult for me to manage moving out,also feel heartbroken leaving our dog, but will see if i can find a cheap accomondation to stay.