inappropriate behaviour

[sheila2155]

5 year old boy. asking little girl to lift dress - show underwear etc. inappropriate use of toys . this is at school. no exposure to parents sexual activity. how do i handle this without making him worse or feel guilty etc. where could he have got these ideas from/

[andy-hughes]

Children say it as they see it.

A boy at this age will be simply curious to see what sort of underwear girls wear, on the correct assumption that it will be different to his own.

It is really easy to see what is simply natural exploration of their own, and others' bodies in small children as inappropriate behaviour, when it may not be anything like that at all.

We tend to put our adult perspectives on childrens' bheaviour, and worry without foundation.

If this is your child - which I assume it is - have a word with his teacher, who will have a different perspective of your son'e actions - as well as far more experience of child behaviour gnerally. She will be happy to discuss this with you, and set your mind at rest.

[meltoadhall]

dont worry about it - they all do it. tell him to leave the girls alone in a kind way - talk to the teacher if you are worried.

[~max~]

Don't worry, it's just what little children do, and I completely agree with Andy there. Talk to his teacher if you are that worried. But I'd say, talk to him too! It's nothing bad, so just breach the subject like " You know, at school, there are lods of little girls, yes? Well, playing with them is fine, and I'm glad to see you have so many friends! But, you know there are some things you can't do with your friends, because they will not like it...blah blah"
I haven't got any kids, but loads of cousins whom I babysat...lol

[edukes]

My 15 mth old takes his nappy off and shows his willy to big sister,( age 6) and he does this because she squeals, its pure attention seeking.
Your son probably got a reaction and is seeking more.
but at five you might need the appropriate behavior talk, they all have to get it at some point.

[sheila2155]

thanks everybody. i feel a bit better. it's actually my sons adopted child and he and another boy wouldn't let the little girl out of the toilets demanding she 'show them'. they even allegedly waited for the poor child outside the loos. i've told his mum not to get too stressed by it but she's giving him grief every five minutes. thanks again.

[natalie_1982]

I think the fact he is adopted may make things a little different i.e. why is he not living with his bioloigcal parents? If he was exposed to this kind of behaviour himself then I would say it needs dealing with by a professional. A little girl bing trapped in a toilet by two boys must have been very frightening. I would say the "I'll show you mine" side of things is a natural exploration (providing he hasn't been exposed to this before), but someone ought to explain that the little girl must have been scared by what he and his friend did.

[Velvetee]

I remember when I was 5, at school, which would have been 34 years ago, I clearly recall boys were always lifting the girls' skirts in the playground to see their knickers, then a couple of years later it was kiss chase. Like others have said, it's just natural curiosity.

I wouldn't place too much emphasis on it, as you don't wan't your son growing up, thinking their is something perverse, kinky or taboo about a woman's under garments.

Alas, boys never grow out of wanting to see a girl's underwear.