I have this friend who

[roosi]

is a work colleague, nothing more. Although I did go out with her and her friends once around a year ago. I speak and am friendly when I am in work, but again that's as far as I would like it to go.

She can be overly interfering - when I talk about my weekends on maybe monday, she interrogates me as if what I told her I'd be doing at the weekend (on Friday for example) is a lie, if my plans change per say. I shouldn't feel like I have to justify anything to her, and if my plans change quite frankly again it should be none of her business. Agreed?
Well, the other weekend she asked me to join her and a mutual friend up at hers for drinks (foc) cos I am broke just now, lift there and back - ie no excuses. I told her politely in an email that I would give it a miss, but thanks for the invite, and on Tuesday was talking to her about the weekend. She knows I am skint. I said oh, me and the OH ended up going down the pub for a couple of drinks, but one os us drove and watched telly afterwards and chilled. And she blatently comes away wtih things like "and you couldn't afford to even come up to mine - Free of Charge!". I felt like saying, actually this is because........but I didn't I stuttered and said something like yeah, but it didn't cost much and lied about the fact my OH was maybe going to be working, and we didn't want to make any plans. Am now kicking myself, as I should have just said something like " with all due respect none of your business" but tried to remain polite.

She really annoys me, how can I tell her firstly that I don't wanna socialise outwith work,, wanna remain her friend, and also tell he that what I do in my spare time has nothing to do wtih her, but nicely, and to stop her from thinking eveything I tell her has to be justified?? I explain everything as I fell she puts me on the spot and it's really getting me angry - and I don't wanna fall out big time as I have to wk wtih her......

Sensible

[roosi]

.....answer only please

Thanks
R
x

[weeal]

Sounds like a really annoying friend lol
You could just say that you like to keep work and personal life separate, its hard to do that tho I know

[redcrx]

start making up a really exciting alternative life (not that im saying yours isnt exciting) but she will soon get fed up asking you and hearing all about it :)

[daniela31]

maybe she thinks you are shy, and would like to join in with the others, but don't know how to.
Just don't tell her in future what you are doing on the weekend, or just say you and your other half don't get much time to be together in the week and you cherish every moment you have together on the weekend.
I know it is none of her business, but if the conversation turns to what did you do on the weekend, just try and move the conversation onto something else, like a tv programme you watched the night before or what you are thinking about having for tea. Deflection see.
:-)

[roosi]

I know, and I have stressed that sort of by saying, erm you know I like to keep myself to myself etc, and not get involved, it's almost like she likes to see me squirm - and unfortunately it's working!!!

I do try, but she is one of these peeps that doesn't really listen to you - as you talk she looks at you and says repetitively "yeah, em, yeah ayem I know ay, of course aye yeah", so it feel like she isn't really listening sometimes too - I fell like shouting LOOK.........Arrrrgh !

[roosi]

Deflection sounds good! Neber tried it, god she annoys me, but deep down she means well so don't wanna rock the boat too much!!!

[roosi]

Alternative life sounds good too, although I am crap at lying I can't for the life of me lie to anyone wihtout them realising......... :_(

[redcrx]

but she will realise and if you keep doing it will get fed up of asking and not getting any rise out of you :)

[daniela31]

Some people can be a bit over-friendly and it's very annoying if you are a bit on the quiet side. You just want to be left alone and they are like picky picky all the time.
Give her a shock one day and shout..'BOG OFF and leave me alone'

only joking btw.
:-)

[jen78]

Maybe try and get her to realise the more she interrogates you, the less you'll tell her so she stops asking so much and lets you tell her what you want to know.

When she asks, just give her a vague non-descript answer like "not much" or "nothing interesting/exciting".

Or deflect it back to her about what she did.

Dpending on howm uch you go out with other friends you could tell her generally you are going to stay in more to save money and concentrate on spending time with your other half.

[roosi]

Hi Jen

I did just that the othe week, and you know what she sais?

You're always skint, what on earth do you spend all your money on? I know you have the business, but hey that's pretty much it!

I honestly could've smacked her face in!

Really bugged me that did....

R
x

[roosi]

Although I am not violent either - a big softy me!

[roosi]

She is single, and fifty. Looking for a man after divorce etc around 25 yrs ago.

I guess maybe its jealousy although I need to nip it in the bud, my OH thinks its hilarious, but alaso says I should just make some elaborate stories to annoy her!!

[ummmm]

Tell her you go swinging at the weekends....!!!

[roosi]

How funny would that be - no decided can't do that, would interest her too much I reckon. She can be a little bit too descriptive at times referencing her own life.........

[jen78]

That would really bug me too!!

Can you get her to join some clubs or social groups or an online dating agency or something to give her something different to talk about, ie her, for a change and make her less interested in what everyone else is doing in their life.

I do hate other people having opinions on what I should or shouldn't do with my money and why I haven't bought a house and am still renting etc...

My ex used to really bug me like that, just because he has loads of debts and lives in his overdraft doesn't mean just because he thinks it's ok that I will live in the same way.

As he knew my salary and general bills he'd also work out if he thought I could afford things which used to drive me mad as he'd include things like my overdraft and savings I didn't want to touch.

Sorry, rant over :)

Maybe help her get more of a life herself so she won't be so interesting in everyone else's?

[jen78]

In fact screw that, I love ummm's idea :)

[roosi]

Yeah, I think she's mainly just lonely - BUT PLEAAAAASE just be lonely somewhere else that's what I want to say!

Yeah could try wtih the club thing, although she has around - I kid you not - 300 "friends" who are all as important as one another, and she always says this friend and I did this and that and this and that - like, yawn! OK next!

[jen78]

You could always find really dull stuff to come up with which might discourage her from asking so much, like an indepth description of you cleaning the house from top to bottom and all the cleaning products you used and where you got them from and great special offers and the wonders of Ajax and all that :)

[roosi]

Ha ha jen, that's a good one - and meets with my natural sarcasm too - maybe will give that a try!

How funny yeah windolene, mr muscle, AND mr sheen WOW and you should smell the house now - like a new pin !! ha ha ha

Good one!