A Bit Lonely

[chrissa1]

As I have a problem with alcohol I haven't touched a drop for two and a half years.
The thing is, I don't seem to socialise now. The pub is a no no as I would hate sitting there drinking soft drinks and not even able to have a cigarette since the smoking ban. My husband enjoys going to the pub (too much) and is there now. He'll come in drunk so I'll just go up to my bedroom with my Freeview. I used to be his "drinking buddy" but not anymore.
Our friends have stopped inviting us to parties and even the weddings of their children, maybe because they don't want to tempt me.
I love my sobriety but sometimes feel a bit low. Thank goodness for crosswords and the Soaps!!
Is this my life for the next 20 odd years??

[hc4361]

I envy you your strength. You must be very determined to embrace sobrierty when your partner doesn't.
You have to make your own social life that doesn't involve the pub. Hopefully your husband will share some them with you - cinema, theatre, gym, rambling... I really don't know what interests you. But you have to find an interest and people that share those interests with you. Dancing classes, foreign language, book club, swimming - I don't know. Something, anything, to give you something to look forward to every week.

Or volunteering for AA or AlAnon. You must have a lot to offer other alcoholics.

Hopefully your husband will be fully supportive and join you in some new activities.

[scotman]

Chrissa

Before you stopped drinking how much of your and/or you husband's socialising involved activities where there was no drink?
Possibly you or both of you need to find activities away from alcohol.

[sandyRoe]

I second what HC said. It really is an achievement to stop drinking when there's another drinker in the house.
Further education classes will be starting soon. What about getting a prospectus and seeing if there's anything you fancy learning?

[askyourgran]

No if you are well and truly over the drink problem there is no reason why you can't go and socialise even if it's only soft drinks. So you have to go outside for a cigarette now. What is your problem chrissa, you have become a self centred misery. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, is there somewhere else you could both go to, can you entertain at home. Ask your friends around for a meal or a takeaway you don't have to drink the wine/beer. You have isolated yourself. Life doesn't circulate around drink, and you can show everyone that by having the guts to stop drinking it hasn't stopped you from being the happy interesting person you always were.

[sara3]

firstly, you should be very proud of yourself, well done!

second.. I hardly drink but there's nothing wrong with going to a pub and having a soft drink. that's what drivers (are supposed to) do. or do you think you'll be tempted?

get out there and find a fun distraction from all this, meet new friends and move on from your old life. well done, really :o)

[laurababy]

Chrissa If you lift that first drink you might not live another 20 odd years. My friends father was teetotal for four years with the help of alcoholics anonymous, he stopped going to meetings and eventually lifted that first fatal drink. One year later he went on adrinking spree which cost him his life, he was so drunk that he choked on his vomit and died. Please dont let that happen to you. Keep doing your crosswords and watching your soaps, and hold on to that precous gift of sobriety. LOVE& LIGHT

[chrissa1]

Thank you all for your kind comments. I Could go to the pub with him but I know that he will want to stay for hours and hours, so what's the point? I have become to hate what alcohol does to people.
I went to bed at midnight last night leaving the door open and the lights on and have come down this morning to No Husband!! He'll be somewhere and I would have heard from the Police or Hospital if something had happened to him I think.

askyourgran you are right but you say "tell your husband how you feel"!! That wouldn't make a blind bit of difference. He would get bladdered and if I allowed alcohol into the house, it wouldn't bother me, but I know that He would abuse it and it would creep back into the house for him to consume in vast quantities.

[anneasquith]

chrissa. well done you on your sobriety,the comment from askyour gran was very harsh, must be very difficult for you to live with someone who is abusing alcohol, do you attend meetings at aa ? they may be able to provide you with copmpany and activities that dont require drinking, good luck

[jno]

actually, it sounds as if the real problem is your husband's rather than yours. (Or to put it another way, your real problem is your husband, not your sobriety.) If he gets bladdered everywhere he goes, I suspect he's the reason you're not getting invited to weddings - not you. Nobody decides not to invite someone because they'll drink Coke; they might well decide not to invite a drunk.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely but I don't think you're the one needing to change.

[wolf63]

chrissa - did you 'find' your husband?

It must be hard when you fighting the demon drink and yet living with a man who continues to drink.

I really wish you all the best - the flippant 'wolf' in me says "ditch yer man and start again" but nothing is that simple.

I was just trying to type out something when I notice jno's post - your husband might be the reason that you are no longer invited to parties. Don't blame yourself - you have achieved so much and you should be proud.

[chrissa1]

Thanks guys.

[chrissa1]

Yes wolf, he turned up later in the morning having been given a bed for the night by someone I've never met.

[ELVIS68]

You`ve done well to knock the booze on the head, it must be hard living with someone who is still getting getting p!ssed like that.

He is selfish for doing that, can you not persuade him to cut down?

[Jemisa]

chrissa sweetheart you've done soo well, congratulations.
You sound as if you could do with a friend. Is there nowhere to go to meet people in your area? Its good you can talk to ABer's we all want to help.
Its a pity your H hasn't taken a leaf out of your book, leaving you on your own, drinking every night, must be expensive.He's slowly killing himself too but eveidently he doesn't care. My heart goes out to you Chrissa. Please take care.

jem

[237SJ]

chrissa - try al anon which is an offshoot of AA for family and loved ones of alcoholics. You might find some support there. Good luck

[tamborine]

Good for you chrissa and keep it up. You will find lots to do and more importantly, be aware of your life in sobriety. You could do voluntary work if you're not already working or socialising. It's horrible to watch someone you love go down the alcohol road but there's little you can do if they don't want help. If you have children they will benefit from your sobriety also.

[tamborine]

that is flippant tony, 1 glass of vodka is hardly alcoholic - a bottle or two could be a problem, especially daily