Husbands family and ex please help

[glammedup]

Hi,
When I met my husband, unknown to me he was not over his ex. He had been living with her for several years, she was his first girlfriend.She cheated on him with his best mate.I only discovered he still had feelings for her when our son was a toddler,I found him crying over her.I left him, we were apart for a few months then we reconciled.( his family told his ex, why we had split up)He said it was only because she was his first love, that she was hard to get over, but I don't think he has ever forgotten her.I have always felt second best and if she hadn't married his ex best mate,I don't think we would have got back together.Anyway, many years have past by, but still his mates talk about her to him, in front of me,his sister is best friends with her and this ex gets the run down on our lives from husbands sister, which I don't like.Our marriage has been and is going through a rough patch.This ex I have discovered, is now divorced and knows all about our marriage problems. Despite me being better looking,having a better figure and being smarter than her, I feel threatened by her.His mate told me that it was her my husband always wanted.Which made me feel really great.His sister and cousins throughout my marriage,have given little digs at any given opportunity, trying to wind me up about her because they are jealous of what we have achieved and our lifestyle,also the fact that I spend money on myself and look good. They always bring her up in conversation to me.I have discovered she has now moved quite near us, so there is every chance I will bump into her when shopping with my husband.Who I might add, never says one bad word against her.I know this sounds ridiculous but I am so worried she is going to humiliate me,maybe by hugging my husband and saying something like "don't get jealous now will you", making me look small.How do I handle this woman to avoid looking stupid?I have to add, I am not a jealous person and have never prevented my husband from doing or going anywhere.It's just this woman makes me feel unsettled.During an argument, which arose because my husband had told his sister things I'd asked him not to, my husband said he had seen his ex out shopping.He said she invited him to her home (this was before she got divorced) my husband asked her what would her husband say! No thought to what I would think.Did he go to visit her?I really don't know,but it's making me feel uncomfortable.Thanks

[trt]

Did he go to visit her? I really don't know, but it's making me feel uncomfortable.

Why don't you sit him down and ASK HIM Glam? Simple!!!!

[ruthann58]

my answer to her if she said it to me would be ,"by the looks of you i have no need to be jealous" no matter how good she looks

[missprim]

So sorry to hear about your marriage problems Glam but it's not just about good looks nice figure and being smart (we all thought this about Prince Charles when he chose Camilla over Diana.) there's a lot more to it than that. One of the things that turns a lot of men off is jealousy, and if you keep questioning him about her and complaining about her then you could drive him away. You say you are not the jealous type, but if that is true then why are you telling us about it? I don't know what the outcome will be for you but I hope all turns out well for you in the end.

[chattykathy]

Well, at least he told you he had met her and that she invited him back - I think you really must ask him what he did. It might be a good idea to tell him how vulnerable you feel, don't be whiney though, jealousy isn't pleasant. Concentrate on making your marriage work but make it very clear he shouldn't be sharing your private life with his sister!
If you do meet her, give her a big hug before she gets to your hubby - that should take the wind out of her sails! Good luck!

[sherrardk]

I like ChattyKathy's answer - maybe add a catty comment like 'WE were BOTH so sorry to hear about your recent difficulties'.

[chattykathy]

That's the way, sherrardk! :-)

[Nini74]

also mention that hubby's sister had told you she'd been having a tough time and was looking tired and run down - then tell she doesn't look as bad as his sister had made out! if sister tells her everything about you two, how does she know the situation isn't the same in reverse? x

[eve1974]

I had a similar feeling towards my husbands ex wife for many years.

It’s a horrible way to feel. And I feel for you.

But...

Happy to say i no longer feel one shred of insecurity tho.

It did take a long time (many years!) for me to get over it and I’m not sure what eventually made me stop feeling insecure ... I only know it did stop and here we are still married 23 yrs later

Your story has many similarities

My husb also was not over his ex (which I found out later!!) and they had a child together so not like we cld avoid her.

Friends and family (particularly his mum) mentioned her a lot and also shared info of our lives with her!

Like you I was not a normally jealous person .... but she bought out all my insecurities (mainly cos I knew he still loved her for a long time)

Unlike you though she was far more glamorous and well kept than I ever was (or ever will be!)

We lived in the same neighbourhood so often bumped into her and every time u wld feel like second best but....

It does pass. And now I remind my husband regularly that he got a good deal when he married me lol... he cldv been stuck with her.


Perhaps I just got very comfortable in my own skin and I hope you will too.

[eve1974]

Ps Nini1974 comment is funny - yeah tell her she doesn’t look as *** as sis In law makes out ... that is classic lol

[eve1974]

Oh my goodness!!!!

How on earth did I manage to respond to something from 2011!!!

Well it’s possibly taken the record for reviving an old thread lol.


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