Christmas Joke Appeal. Help!

[stoofur]

Hi everyone.

Every year I would email a daily joke email over the Christmas period. A kind of Joke Advent Calendar.

This year I was not going to bother. But I have had a demand from the recipients that I re-instate the email. Apparently it does not feel Christmassy or something without the email.

I need jokes fast! Please help!

Thank you everyone for your help. You will make my colleagues very happy.

Regards,
Stewart (Buddy the Elf)

[rowanwitch]

Why do after eights know so much
Because the mince pies
(Mint's spies)

[jno]

what did stoofur say before he started telling Xmas jokes?

These'll sleigh you!

[rowanwitch]

snowman one to snowman two Can you smell carrots?

Footman at Buckingham Palace... All rise for the Queen's speech
Prince Phillip Bu66er off At my age I need more notice...

[sir.prize]

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it

[stoofur]

These are brilliant!

[sir.prize]

Father Christmas' sledge broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, 'Can you help me fix my sledge?'
'Sorry,' the motorist replied. 'I'm not a mechanic - I'm a chiropodist.'
'Well, can you give me a toe?'

[beveridge111]

Man goes to doc with a bad itch on bottom
Doc asks "What type of toilet roll do you use "
Patient "Oh I just use the old Sporting post"
Doc " I thought so .Your bum is all scores "

[pa___ul3]

not so much Christmassy but wintery...
Paddy and Mick are on the piste arguing over whether you zig zag down the slope or zag zig, they're getting nowhere so Paddy decides to ask a passer by,
"sorry" says the passer by "I wouldn't know, I'm a tabogganist."
"Oh great!" says Paddy "then give me 20 benson and hedges and a box of matches!"

[DTCwordfan]

I do not know if these are usable, perhaps the first one....

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls.

What's the difference between snowmen and snow ladies ?
Snowballs.

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
Because the snow blower was coming down the block.

[stoofur]

Hi everyone. Thank you all for your help. I have managed to get together enough brilliant jokes.

Happy Christmas everyone!

[pa___ul3]

got one more for you stoofur... How does King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep-pan, crisp and even!

[stoofur]

Nice work Paul. You are going on the list!