Expensive hen do. Do i go?

[strawberryfields]

My cousin and his partner of 15 years are getting married. His partners bridesmaid has invited me to the hen do-which costs £100. I feel like its a bit much to ask somebody to pay £100 for a do that i have no control over-it seems like its going to be a nice night, with drinks, dinner and stripper included, and value for money compared to some other hens ive heard of-but i think £100 is quite steep for my circumstances at the mo, and plus i dont really drink. Am i being tight? money is really short for me at the moment and the dilemma is i am the godmother of one of their children and i feel obliged to go. I haven't got back to the organiser yet about but i did let on that i was in a bit of financial difficulty and i would see-this was about a month ago. Tonight my cousin sent a round robin email stating how he was dissapointed that were are not participating in the hen night and how important it was for them to include us in their wedding when other people were cut out, and that they wanted us to represent him and the family at the hen night." I thought that email was a little pressurising and innappropiate, as i didnt think going to hen do was mandatory. I am now going-but £100 lighter with no idea of where im going or what im eating. Am i right or wrong to be upset?

[looobylooo]

I'd feel the same as you, Strawberry
A £100 is alot of money when you've not got much!

[hollie1586]

You shouldn't be being pressured to go. £100 is alot of money for a do, that sounds like to me, you don't really want to go to. Im sure that you have much better things that you need the money for! Im not much of a drinker either and its awful when you feel you are being pressured to drink.

[strawberryfields]

apparently no women from his side of the family are able to go so now i feel that the onus is on me especially as people keep reminding me how much theyve spent on their wedding.

[joko]

id be angry and probably not go on principle...they should not be pressuring you like that...
'representing the family' is hardly a good and heartfelt reason to be forced to go - you are not just a 'numbers maker'!
you would expect if you were especially close to the girl to be expected to be there but she actually isnt even your cousin - he is!

it is irrelevant how much theyre spending on the wedding or who theyre cutting out- thats their business.

you will go to the wedding and that should be enough - that after all is the important part.
tell him straight that you cannot afford it and if he wants you to go he should pay for it.

[ojread2]

So, lets get this clear, all of you that have no paid up and shut up are going purely because of the guilt trip laid upon you?

Oh such a fun time to be had by all then, not.
I'm with Joko, it is of no relevance to the guest how much was spent on the wedding, if they want and have cash to spend, that's their look out.
If they have so much why did they not put some aside for the hen night?
What's the stag doing then?

[rowanwitch]

You have paid ... hopefully you will be able to relax and not feel too bad about the money once you are out..it might even be fun. but next time you get a chance corner your cousin and tell him politely you felt the pressure put on you placed you in a really difficult position and you are angry with him for doing it.

[VHG]

>>>>people keep reminding me how much theyve spent on their wedding.

That is their stupid fault not yours.

[joggerjayne]

Well, as you've said you're going ... look on the plus side ...

It's a hen do. You should never miss a hen do, coz they're the best fun ever.

And there's a stripper.

=0)

Does the £100 include your pink stetson from Claire's Accessories? It's a hen do. There must be pink stetsons. Hopefully the bride will have included that in the cost, and will hand them all out when you all meet up.

[rowanwitch]

And naff t shirts....and fairy wings....

[joggerjayne]

And "L" plates!

[joggerjayne]

and chocolate willies

[Maydup]

It always comes down to.........chocolate doesn't it?

[boxtops]

I wouldn't have gone. Apart from the fact that i too don't have £100 to spare on a single evening, I really don't like the sort of raucos hen do you're describing. I wouldn't want to see a complete strange getting his kecks off.

You are being bullied into attending, you don't really want to go - I would have said no. If they feel miffed by that, it's their problem, not yours. It's not as if they are young things - they've been together 15 years. I think his emailed is a damned cheek - you should have replied back to say "I'll come if you're paying, I can't afford it". Being a godmother bears no relationship to this wedding. I wish you'd asked this question before you said you'd go!

[ojread2]

agree box

Also, OP, just how much do they now expect you to spend on the wedding gift?

[Maydup]

I think you're rigfht to go but rigt to be angry.

Its OK to give in and go to keep good relations with your family and the parents of your God Daughter. To dig your heels in anymore would probably start some sort of agressive feud which wouldn't be fair ahead of a wedding.

But its often the way when people plan these things - they get carried away and forget the real world. Many a bridesmaid I know has regretted saying yes for all the expense it has caused her in the end.

I hate hen dos too and have managed to avoid them for many years now, but every now and then you have to go with the flow and enjoy it for her sake.

[daffy654]

I would have replied to the email and stated that if they wanted me to go as a representative of their side of the family then they should be paying for me to do so. Cheeky sods!

[joggerjayne]

"I hate hen dos"

Mmm ... nope. I can't arrange those words into any sentence that makes sense.

[boxtops]

JJ, I don't understand people who love them. Getting ratted, playing with sex toys in public, making a show of yourselves - what's that got to do with getting married? Same reason I don't like Ann Summers parties - I'm not a prude, but there's a time and a place. I can't see the point of spending good money on a raucous evening - it's not my idea of fun at all.

[DTCwordfan]

"I hate hen dos - the job of cleaning out their hen-house is always awful."

Does that work JJ?