News6 mins ago
Wednesdays
A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour.
''There's the plank for trouble makers, there's the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there's the barrel for all your sexual needs.''
''What do you mean? my sexual needs?''
''Well, you stick your w!lly in the hole and you'll be serviced, anytime you want, except for Wednesdays.''
''What happens on Wednesdays?''
''It's your turn in the barrel...''
''There's the plank for trouble makers, there's the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there's the barrel for all your sexual needs.''
''What do you mean? my sexual needs?''
''Well, you stick your w!lly in the hole and you'll be serviced, anytime you want, except for Wednesdays.''
''What happens on Wednesdays?''
''It's your turn in the barrel...''
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A fresh-faced Legionnaire is posted out to the desert to a platoon of men and after a week or two his urges begin to take hold.
"What do we do for sex around here?" he asks one of the old sweats.
"Once every 3 months a camel train comes by, usually about 100 strong".
"Eurgh, I'm not doing it with a camel!" he says and leaves it at that.
A few more weeks pass by and the thought of a camel does not now seem so disgusting.
The following day, he is carrying out his morning ablutions when one of the tower sentries starts ringing a bell, having spotted the imminent arrival of the train.
All hell is let loose as all 30 men start sprinting in a mass stampede towards the camels.
"Why the rush?" says the new recruit as he joins the race.
"Well" says the old sweat, "You don't wanna get left with an ugly one, do you?"
"What do we do for sex around here?" he asks one of the old sweats.
"Once every 3 months a camel train comes by, usually about 100 strong".
"Eurgh, I'm not doing it with a camel!" he says and leaves it at that.
A few more weeks pass by and the thought of a camel does not now seem so disgusting.
The following day, he is carrying out his morning ablutions when one of the tower sentries starts ringing a bell, having spotted the imminent arrival of the train.
All hell is let loose as all 30 men start sprinting in a mass stampede towards the camels.
"Why the rush?" says the new recruit as he joins the race.
"Well" says the old sweat, "You don't wanna get left with an ugly one, do you?"
Variation on a theme of Philtaz:-
Officer in Foreign Legion gets posted to a desert outpost and is being shown round by a gnarled old Sergeant Major.
"This is your billet, SIR!"
"Thank you, ser'nt major"
"This is the Officers' Mess, SIR!"
"Thank you, ser'nt major."
And so it goes on until the officer espies a manky evil smelling horrible looking flea ridden camel. "What the bloody'ell is that, ser'nt major?"
"Erm, it's a camel, SIR!"
"Yes, ser'nt major, I can see it's an effin camel. What's it doing here? Get rid of it, fast as you like!"
"Let me explain, SIR! The camel is here for, ahem, recreational purposes, SIR! The chaps miss their home comforts when they've been here a month or two, SIR! And, erm,well SIR, that's when they, erm, use the camel, SIR!"
After a couple of months, the officer is beginning to think of home,etc, etc, etc and calls over the sergeant major. "Bring that camel over, Ser'nt major!"
The s-m duly obliges. "Get me a stepladder, ser'nt major!"
Again the s-m obliges, whereupon the office climbs up the stepladder and gives the camel (what in these parts is known as) "a reight noggin of his nasty nature."
"By jove, I needed that," said the Officer, "Is that what the chaps do?"
"Not exactly, SIR! They usually ride it into town, SIR""
Officer in Foreign Legion gets posted to a desert outpost and is being shown round by a gnarled old Sergeant Major.
"This is your billet, SIR!"
"Thank you, ser'nt major"
"This is the Officers' Mess, SIR!"
"Thank you, ser'nt major."
And so it goes on until the officer espies a manky evil smelling horrible looking flea ridden camel. "What the bloody'ell is that, ser'nt major?"
"Erm, it's a camel, SIR!"
"Yes, ser'nt major, I can see it's an effin camel. What's it doing here? Get rid of it, fast as you like!"
"Let me explain, SIR! The camel is here for, ahem, recreational purposes, SIR! The chaps miss their home comforts when they've been here a month or two, SIR! And, erm,well SIR, that's when they, erm, use the camel, SIR!"
After a couple of months, the officer is beginning to think of home,etc, etc, etc and calls over the sergeant major. "Bring that camel over, Ser'nt major!"
The s-m duly obliges. "Get me a stepladder, ser'nt major!"
Again the s-m obliges, whereupon the office climbs up the stepladder and gives the camel (what in these parts is known as) "a reight noggin of his nasty nature."
"By jove, I needed that," said the Officer, "Is that what the chaps do?"
"Not exactly, SIR! They usually ride it into town, SIR""
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