Food

[marval]

A man walks into a shop and ponders over the confectionery at the counter.
He says, "I'll have a Twirl and a Boost, please."
The shopkeeper gaily spins round, points and says, "Honey, you look fabulous today!"


Today, I walked into a restaurant.
"Hi, is my table ready?"
"No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?"
"No, that's okay."
"Great, take these to table six then."


I can't help but wonder how Bovril happened.
At what point was anyone looking at tea and thinking "This isn't meaty enough."?


I've written a song about a tortilla.
Well, it's more of a wrap.


My husband served me my dinner last night.
I've been cleaning mashed potato out the racket strings all morning.


I've been advised to stop eating fish, on medical grounds.
Apparently I'm putting off the others in the waiting room.


My mate finally finished writing his book about cooking with herbs. It's about thyme.


I saw a bloke yesterday collecting horse muck, so I asked him what it was for.
He said, "I'm putting it on my rhubarb."
"That's odd", I replied, "I usually put custard on mine."


Did you hear about the new fast-food restaurant that has opened in Bradford?
It's called Burka King.


"What am I going to do?" cried my tearful elderly relative.
"My winter allowance won't cover my gas bill?"
"But it is rather large, have you had the heating on full blast or something?" I exclaimed.
"Hardly at all, I've just cooked a few puddings and stuff for some people," she sniffled.
"But the bill's nearly 43 grand!" I scoffed. "Just how many puddings have you been making Aunt Bessie?"


I see that they now make Heinz Beans in little plastic pots....
It's uncanny.


I hear that spam is making a comeback which I'm really pleased about. I've been eating it every day of my life; cooked in a pan with a little bit of oil, but just lately I've started to wonder......am I frittering my life away?


The Doctor called me in to check out my digestive system, so I walked into his office with a cup of tea in my hand and told him,
"You just dip it into the tea and take a bite, then repeat until they're all gone."


I've been preparing for this date for hours- dressing in my smartest clothes, combing my hair...
I don't know why I've made it such a big deal really, it’s just a fruit.

[owdhamer]

See jem for a few tips.

[maggiebee]

On a roll Marval, keep them coming

[parkie]

I was in a French restaurant. I said, "Garcon. Do you have frog's legs?"
He replied, "Non m'sieur. It's just the way I walk."
Another walked past scratching his bum. iI said, "Waiter. Do you have have
haemorrhoids?" He replied, "Just what's on the menu sir. Just what's on the menu."

I was in a supermarket and saw a rather large woman pick up a fresh chicken and smelt it all over. Between it's legs, up it's bum, under it's wings. Eventually she turned to the manager who had been watching her all this time and said, "My man, this chicken STINKS!!!"
"Madam," he replied, "Could YOU pass a test like that?"

[starone]

some good ones there marval. lol