Work
My boss stormed up to me in the office today and said,
"You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"
"Not particularly," I replied.
I've quit my new job as a postman.
They handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: "This isn't for me."
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.
It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
I got done for theft at my job interview the other day.
Well, he did tell me to take a seat.
I did some odd jobs around the house today.
I vacuumed the ceiling, painted the oven and built a new door-way.
My boss hauled me into his office and accused me of skiving the day before.
He said "you called in sick and I know you played golf." I said "that's nonsense and I've got the fish to prove it."
I love my job. Colleagues have been writing names on the food in the office fridge - I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie. How cute!
The new girl at work slapped me today because I asked if she spits or swallows.
It seemed like a reasonable question considering we work as wine tasters.
I went for a job interview today.
The bloke said, "Where do you see yourself in ten years' time?"
I said, "Same as now - in photos and mirrors".
My last job interview did not go well.
The guy asked me to show him my testimonials.
Next thing I know I'm being escorted off the premises.