I had someone show me (conceptually) in my pub how to use toilet paper the army way.
1. take a piece of paper, tear it in half and save one half.
2. with one half, punch your finger through the centre and leave it there, save the disc.
3, take the paper and your finger and stick your finger up your rear and wipe around.
4. pull out, use the other side to clean your finger and around
5. dispose of the half.
6. take the disc that you had saved - that's for cleaning underneath your fingernail..........