One For Our Resident Cambridge Physicist - Jim360

[DTCwordfan]

Q: Why are Cambridge Uni quantum physicists bad lovers?

A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

[jim360]

Harsh. Well, I think it is but I'm uncertain...

[sunny-dave]

Professor Werner Heisenberg is speeding down the autobahn, when the polizei pull him over.

The cop walks up to his car and asks,

"Excuse me sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg responds,

"No...but I know exactly where I am!"

[DTCwordfan]

Q: How many Cambridge Uni theoretical physicists specialising in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

[sunny-dave]

Whereas when Herr Doktor Schrodinger was pulled over the cop decided to check over the vehicle.

He came back to the driver's window and asked Schrodinger

"Sir, did you know you had a dead cat in your boot?"

Schrodinger replied ...

"I do now."

[jim360]

I'm a fan of particle physics actually. Although it has its ups and downs, it does also have a strange charm...

[DTCwordfan]

I like this one:

A Girton College lesbian in physics class was asked to define the term "vacuum" in class, she answered, "A vacuum is an empty region of space where the Pope lives."

[sunny-dave]

I bet first year physics students still sign the attendance sheet as JK Bistable ...

[DTCwordfan]

Dave - one for you: There is a sign in Munich that says, "Heisenberg might have slept here."

[seadogg]

Did you hear of the geologist who couldn't get his rocks off?

[DTCwordfan]

One for the Ed:

Sir Hamilton - One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they did not commute.

He said that Sir William Hamilton discovered noncommutivity one night when he was taking a walk in his garden with Lady Hamilton.

As they sat down on a bench, there was a moment of passion.

It was then that he discovered that AB did not equal BA.

Now really we could have told him that.

[DTCwordfan]

One for seadogg:

Q. Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?

A: Because they get hammered and stoned.

And you are treading on rocky ground, seadogg - my first two degrees cover geol and geog.

[seadogg]

geomorphologist?

[jim360]

On a less funny note, I won't be resident in Cambridge too much longer.

During a lecture on Black Holes, Gary Gibbons (one of Stephen Hawking's colleagues) was describing what happens when two Black holes meet. They get closer and closer, and then touch, and the picture:

"looks like the pair of trousers I am wearing now. Normal up the legs, and then some sort of funny business going on around where they meet..."

[DTCwordfan]

yep, glaciology was my Masters, fluvial hydrology and some pedology as a minor..

[DTCwordfan]

Yes, it sounds like a transfer to Girton soonest, Jim.....

[jim360]

Even further than that, just about: Edinburgh.

[seadogg]

Would love to visit the lab in a glacier in Norway, though Have been in a crevasse twice but never intentionally.

[DTCwordfan]

Good schools and city to live in....particularly if you have interests towards engineering dimensions - UofE or Heriottwats?

[DTCwordfan]

Been under one, seadogg.....far worse than any pothole in the Dales or a scree slope in the Lakes (with the blinding rain and wind at 2.30am)...but fun to have come out the other side.

[jim360]

Regular UoE.