I Love Her So Much... But...

[cameoking09]

I've been dating this girl for almost a year now. Perfect relationship up until 2ish months ago. I apparently got drunk at a party and was motorboated by some random girl. Don't even remember it happening. She had been hanging out with her ex every now and then. I knew about it and we fought about it a couple times. I assumed he was trying to get in her pants but she just "missed her old best friend". Come to see a text at 3am one night from him and I confronted her. She admitted that they fooled around a tiny bit. We fought. But decided to try and make it work. Now, for the last couple months, it seems like I can do nothing right. I've tried changing to make her happy. I love her so much. I really do. She seems to still love me too. But, I've recently come across texts to her friends that say "I haven't decided what to do with him yet. I think I need to leave him. He's awful. Etc..." We talked. I confronted her again. She explained and pointed out a few (true things) that I have been doing lately that upset her. I'm trying to fix those things and make it work again. But I've also told her that I feel like I'm doing all the work trying to fix our relationship. She said she'd try harder. And has. But she still flirts with other guys through texts every now and then. It's not completely open flirting but she never stops them from saying certain things. I've asked her about these guys. She says it's nothing. But she left her Facebook open and I saw messages that say she is lying. But I still love her. I still want to fix things. How though? I don't feel like I can trust her. I've put so much into this relationship and done so much for her. She's done a lot for me too but not in the last couple months. Either way, I don't know how I could possibly break up with her. Even though it's probably the best thing to do.

What do you guys think? Is there still a way to make it work? If so, what? Or should I break up with her? And if so, how do you break up with someone who you love so completely?

[Tilly2]

If you don't trust her, it's time to call it a day

[joeluke]

Cue posts asking what's 'motorboated'?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=motorboat

[B00]

you're wallowing in some womans boobs, she's PMing and texting friends saying you're awful...ain't a whole lot going for your relationship is there?

Walk away, soon and quickly.

[VHG]

>>>>She explained and pointed out a few things that I have been doing lately that upset her..

Like looking at the texts on her phone....

And looking at her Facebook messages.....

This girl is obviously not over this other guy so just back off and leave her alone.

Go out and do other things.

If she misses you she will get back to you.

If not you know it is over.

You cant MAKE someone like you.

[LazyGun]

"you're wallowing in some womans boobs"

This should be an Olympic Sport IMO ;)

OP was a bit TL;DR to be honest. As with all of these posts, we only ever see one side of the argument - yours- and can have no objective measure of the strength of the relationship between you.

Basically, life is too short to wallow in self-pity and to chase someone and try and make them conform to some kind of ideal, to change them, to make them love you. Cannot be done.

Reflect on the good times, remember them fondly, wish them well and move on.

[cassa333]

cameoking09,

She just aint all that into you.

Are the problems all your fault? Is she blameless?

So you have faults. I bet she does as well. She has pointed out your faults and you are going to try to change. Will she appreciate those changes or will she find more?

[Mosaic]

On the question of trust, how do you happen to 'come across' texts your girlfriend has sent to a third party?

[boxtops]

Grateful to joeluke for the link, but why "motorboating"? I've never seen a motorboat looking like a woman's embonpoint...

[pastafreak]

You're not going to 'fix' things by looking at her texts. Shows a total lack of trust. Yes...you don't trust her,but how can she trust you?
Back off... Take a break from each other for a while. Sounds like you both need it.

[joeluke]

Boxtops......read the description in the link

Man makes sound like boats motor while enjoying himself between her puppies

[Scarlett]

Sorry but she does not sound ready to settle with you. She sounds young and is still needing to play the field, flirt and be flattered by other men. That is fair enough. Let her. Set her free and if she misses you and you are meant to be, she will come back. But don't let her muck you around! Oh, and why are you reading her texts and Facebook? That is private information.

[Sqad]

\\\ Either way, I don't know how I could possibly break up with her.\\\

You will find a way...."where there's a will.........."

Thinking about your question, I have been "in love" at least a dozen times in my life and i haven't married any of them.

Two ways to finish a) Tell her it's over b) let her down slowly.

Good luck!

[dannyk13]

Doesn't seem to be much trust on either side.Walk away.

[Scarlett]

Sqad, did you marry someone you weren't in love with?