Scottish Jokes For Burns Night

[joggerjayne]

I'm after a few Scottish jokes for Burns Night. So far I've got ...

Where would a Scotsman store his music?
On his Och Aye Pod.

[joggerjayne]

Aww, come on sam ... that had to come out of a cracker!

(I kind of like it, though)

[Sam1960]

:(

[joggerjayne]

Where would we be without corny jokes.

[boxtops]

I won't show this thread to His Nibs, Burns' Night is a serious matter :-)

[-Talbot-]

After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt.

"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.

"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,"

[DTCwordfan]

a Slappy Aberdonian man is stopped by the police because he is driving erratically.

To verify how much he has drunk a blood sample is drawn by a police doctor.

The laboratory report reads: 'The sample you have sent in is of a very good Speyside whisky. The traces of blood we found we can not explain.'

[joggerjayne]

Boxy, we ARE taking Burns Night seriously.

We are going to a Burns Ball, AND having a Burns Lunch.

We are practically honorary Scots down here!

:0)

[zabado]

Hamish says to Jeanie. " Put your hand up ma kilt " Jeanie does and says " Och ! Hamish it's gruesome ". Hamish replies, " I lassie put your hand up again and It'll have gruesome more".

[clyde59]

lol

[MichaelZZ]

Lovely old spinster Flora went to her local butcher on 24th Jan.
"Hello, Sandy! Have you by any chance got a wee haggis I could have?"
"Oh Flora, I'm sorry. I've sold every last one. You really should have ordered one and I'd have been happy to keep it for you."
"That's a real shame Sandy. You see I'm on my own tonight and I was just fancying the haggis, neaps and tatties - and of course, a wee dram - so I could, ye ken, have a night in "wi' Rabbie"!
"Oh I really am sorry, Flora. But I tell you what, I've got a nice black pudding here. Take it - and have a night in wi' Paul Robeson."