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Scottish Jokes For Burns Night
50 Answers
I'm after a few Scottish jokes for Burns Night. So far I've got ...
Where would a Scotsman store his music?
On his Och Aye Pod.
Where would a Scotsman store his music?
On his Och Aye Pod.
Answers
Jogger Jayne thinks that she is a truly patriotic Scot. She burns supper every night.
21:52 Sun 18th Jan 2015
Winters can be extremely cold in northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his farm worker, Archie.
Noticing, however, that Archie wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the coldest day, the owner asked, 'Didn't you like the earmuffs I gave you?'
Archie replied, not wishing to upset his employer, 'Och, they are a wondrous thing.'
'Then why don't you wear them then?'
Archie explained, 'I was wearing them the first day, but somebody offered to buy me a drink and I didnae hear him.'
Noticing, however, that Archie wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the coldest day, the owner asked, 'Didn't you like the earmuffs I gave you?'
Archie replied, not wishing to upset his employer, 'Och, they are a wondrous thing.'
'Then why don't you wear them then?'
Archie explained, 'I was wearing them the first day, but somebody offered to buy me a drink and I didnae hear him.'
The angel Gabriel said to God
What you working on today? God said I`m making a place called Scotland, It`s goin to have stunning mountains with fast flowing rivers full of beautifull brown trout, the most beautiful lochs, a stunning coastline, with lush green land and fantastic blue skies and sunsets that will blow your mind, the people are going to be friendly and intelligent and I`m going to give them a national drink called whisky.
Gabriel said "Aren`t you being a bit OTT with this Scotland? the people will think they are already in Heaven."
Na not really said God, just Wait till I tell you about the neighbours
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Two American Tourists are being personally shown round Westmister Abbey when the see a phone with a sign, "Calls to our Heavenly Father £20,000", ........ they move on and visit St Giles in Edinburgh and Lo and behold another phone with a sign saying "Calls to our Heavenly Father 15p" . The wife grabs a guide to enquire about the prices and he says "that's easy madam calling God is only a local call in Scotland"
What you working on today? God said I`m making a place called Scotland, It`s goin to have stunning mountains with fast flowing rivers full of beautifull brown trout, the most beautiful lochs, a stunning coastline, with lush green land and fantastic blue skies and sunsets that will blow your mind, the people are going to be friendly and intelligent and I`m going to give them a national drink called whisky.
Gabriel said "Aren`t you being a bit OTT with this Scotland? the people will think they are already in Heaven."
Na not really said God, just Wait till I tell you about the neighbours
---------------------------------------------------------------
Two American Tourists are being personally shown round Westmister Abbey when the see a phone with a sign, "Calls to our Heavenly Father £20,000", ........ they move on and visit St Giles in Edinburgh and Lo and behold another phone with a sign saying "Calls to our Heavenly Father 15p" . The wife grabs a guide to enquire about the prices and he says "that's easy madam calling God is only a local call in Scotland"
Jock's young lady mentioned that her birthday was coming up, and Jock could not think of an inexpensive present. His mother had just finished making him a pair of breeks for wearing under his Sunday kilt, and she had remarked that there was a yard of material left; no doubt clever Jeannie could make something of it.
Jock thought that was a splendid plan and when he had taken the girl for a walk on the heath, he suddenly stopped, and spun around fast on his heels until his kilt flew up.
"Jean, did ye see anything ?"
She blushed and said that she had not; so Jock spun around until his kilt was horizontal, blissfully unaware that he had, in fact, forgotten to put the breeks on.
"Surely Jeannie, ye saw it that time ?"
"Aye Jock, I did."
"Well, you're having a yard of it for your birthday."
Jock thought that was a splendid plan and when he had taken the girl for a walk on the heath, he suddenly stopped, and spun around fast on his heels until his kilt flew up.
"Jean, did ye see anything ?"
She blushed and said that she had not; so Jock spun around until his kilt was horizontal, blissfully unaware that he had, in fact, forgotten to put the breeks on.
"Surely Jeannie, ye saw it that time ?"
"Aye Jock, I did."
"Well, you're having a yard of it for your birthday."
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