Quickies...................

[Shaglene]

Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?"
"I'm sending a voicemail ya fool!"
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Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
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19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
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The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
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I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
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My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
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I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
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I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, that guy's heading for a breakdown.
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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
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My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
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I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said that she would like to come back as a cow.
I said "You're obviously not listening."