Childless And Happy

[Kromovaracun]

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/23/reader-center/no-kids-no-regrets.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur

Interesting feature in NYT on people reflecting on their decision not to have children and how in many cases it left them feeling more fulfilled and happy about their lives.

Any ABers feel the same? Personally I've always felt the biggest single advantage to being gay was that nobody expected me to raise a family - my heterosexual friends and family all seem very caught up in the pressure to become parents and I feel extremely relieved that it doesn't affect me nearly as much. Seems to me that folks on the whole would be much happier and less burdened if we stopped stressing parenthood as an obligatory milestone in life.

[Kromovaracun]

It's a bit of a taboo subject but I really do wonder how many people end up feeling like this. I bet it isn't a tiny proportion:

https://www.macleans.ca/regretful-mothers/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/11/breaking-taboo-parents-who-regret-having-children

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-43555736

[Boto]

When I married 40+ years ago I decided to not have children. I have never once regretted that decision. I am happy and have never felt unfulfilled.

[LadyCG]

I just wish my son had been born sooner. Having a baby at 41 isn't easy. Your joints start to creak at that age ;-)

[naomi24]

People who choose to remain childless have no idea how becoming a parent might have affected them. Therefore none can say that their lives are more fulfilled without children. Each to their own. If people don't want children that's fine. They don't need to justify their decision.

[woofgang]

Except naomi, from personal experience, other people often do feel that childless women have to justify themselves. Again, from personal experience, that expectation can be a painful and annoying thing.

[naomi24]

Well they're wrong .... in my opinion. It's none of their business.

[MallyJ]

I made the decision to be childfree back in the mid 60s. I have never regretted it. I have rarely been asked why I don't have children but am, on occasions, reminded of the Philip Larkin poem that start 'They muck you up your parents...' and having been mucked up by mine I was not going to do that to another human being. Having said that I thoroughly enjoyed the teenagers that I worked with for nearly 40 years....great people.

[naomi24]

I just don't see how anyone who is childless can claim to be 'more' fulfilled. It's nonsense. They can't possibly know what impact the alternative may have had on their lives.

[bhg481]

I would NEVER ask someone why they have no children. It's no business of mine whether it's a decision not to (which they don't have to justify) of whether they've tried unsuccessfully (which could be upsetting for them).

[1ozzy]

I spent the first 30 years of my life childless and vowing I never would be a parent, loved it.
Then I joined the breeders, my life changed and I'm glad it did.
My children have changed my life for the better.

Being a parent may not be suited to all but for me it was life changing, nurturing my offspring to become adults and seeing them create their own life is priceless.

[jennyjoan]

it is a taboo subject - I always wanted children but it never happened - now however I do look at some friends situations re children and grandchildren, the friends are so sad and unhappy with their children that I am glad I don't have that responsibility today.

[Sqad]

Kromo...I didn't know that you were gay.

Back to the question.
I think that it is a generation thing and almost certainly a female attitude, brought about that having children is a woman's raison d'etre.
However, the modern women tend to have a different perception of their function and it is more common now to have childless relationships.
I know many married and single women who are happy to be childless, but other's who go on and on about their darling children.

Me? I can see nothing "wonderful" in having children and one can have a fulfilling life without them.

[jennyjoan]

I do think that rearing children is very very hard work at all stages

Terrible Twos etc
and then that dreadful teenage angst that most of my friends went through with their children and causes some heartbreak.

[woofgang]

Naomi “Well they're wrong .... in my opinion. It's none of their business.”
I agree.

[andy-hughes]

I do believe that a lot of people settle down, married or not, and have children, because of family and peer pressure, and they don't really think about the consequences of what they are doing.


The drip-drip-drip of "Well, it's time you had a ring on your finger … Time you made an honest woman of her …" is then followed by the "When are you making us grandparents then … Where's the pitter-patter of tiny feet …" and people go along because they think they should, rather than because they have considered the commitment that parenthood means.

The downside of that cultural attitude, is people being seen as odd or 'unfulfilled' if they make a choice not to have children.

It is wrong, and were I childless from choice, I would give both barrels to anyone I thought was looking down on me, or pitying me for my personal life choices.

[Old_Geezer]

Not being able to have and not have kids simultaneous, it's difficult to say.
No family in your old age might change one's mind.

[Old_Geezer]

Bit of a misquote there Mally ;-)

[maggiebee]

Seem to remember a rather unsavoury post on here some time ago. It concerned Nicola Sturgeon and questioned why she did not have children. As was said at that time, it's really nobody's business.

[ummmm]

I wouldn't know because I had my first child at 18.

[anneasquith]

Whether or not you want children is no ones business, but ensure your partner is 100% in agreement with you.