Nursery Thymes Revisited

[Canary42]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall had a defect
So he won ten grand with Claims Direct

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties
Now Jack can’t keep his heart rate down
And Jill’s got diabetes

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too coz he was gay

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon
10,000 volts went up its spine
And turned its wool to nylon

[Canary42]

*Rhymes

[maggiebee]

Thanks Canary. With so much doom and gloom I needed a smile today.

[rowanwitch]

Jack be nimble jack be quick
Jack jump over the candlestick
If you miss It will go up your b u m
Try explaining that one son

[SparklyKid]

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard

To get for old Rover a bone

but when she bent over, Rover took over

And gave her a bone of his own

[mallyh]

hey diddle diddle
the cat did a piddle
all over the kitchen floor
the little dog laughed to see such fun
so the cat did a little bit more

[mallyh]

mary had a little lamb
he had a sooted foot
and into Mary's bread and jam
his sooted foot he put

[LochNessMonster]

Mary had a little lamb
Until her father shot it dead
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between to bits of bread

[Ken4155]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky
Jill came down with half a crown
Jack must have been a yankee

Little Miss Horner, sat in a corner
Eating her curds and whey
Down came a spider, and sat down beside her
So she crushed it with the back of her spoon

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast, again

Mary had a little pig
She could not stop it gruntin'
So she took it up the garden path
And kicked it's little rump in

(Yes, I know, but this is a family show)

[Jonathan-Joe]

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jump over the candestick.
Silly Jack, should have jumped higher,
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

[Ken4155]

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town
Up streets and down streets
Minus his nightgown
Flashing at the windows
Flashing his Koch (it's a gun!!)
Time of arrest was just after ten o'clock

[Patsy33]

Lol.

[Denton]

Little Miss Moffett sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
It wasn't the spider that sat down beside her
It was little boy blue with a horn.

[mallyh]

mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a pylon
ten thousands volts went up his bum
and turned his wool to nylon

[Theland]

Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?
With cannabis seeds, its darn good weed,
Would you join me in a blow?

[marval]

Mary had a little pig
It really was a smasher
Every time it wiggled it tail
It licked its gamon rasher

[maggiebee]

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But I've never seen her ...........

[Ken4155]

Surprised no-ones come up with this oldie, yet;

Hickory dickory dock
3 mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
So the other two kicked the cuckoo's head in

[Hopkirk]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard, to fetch the postman a a letter.

But when she got there the cupboard was bare, so they had it without - it was better.

[mallyh]

jack and jill
went up the hill to have a little fun
jill forgot to take her pill
now they have a son

[JimF]

There was a young fellow from Venus

There was a young woman from China

The was a young man from Nantucket