There's More
I asked my librarian if they still had the book on becoming a top assassin, but it had already been taken out.
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Got pulled over by the police last night, he said this is a spot check, I said, I’ve got 2 blackheads and a boil on my bottom!
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I've been told the shed in our garden has a roof which is made of a dangerous substance.
I've removed it asbestos I could.
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I've was asked if I would like to run the London Marathon...
I said, I'm flattered to be asked, but I don't think I could organise such a big event!
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My wife threatened to leave me because of my "filthy and disgusting habits".
I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.
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You can always tell a bloke masturbates a lot by his hands…
If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring!
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