There's More

[Rondy]

I've just walked out of our One stop shop and there was a very short bloke wearing a Fez shouting, '" Just like that " as he got into his car..
I think it was a Mini Cooper!

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My fiancé left me because I couldn't play leapfrog properly.
I don't think I'll ever get over her now.

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Has anyone else tried WD40 on mice? It doesn’t work but it stops them squeaking.

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I was a bookkeeper for 10 years.
The local library wasn't happy about it.

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My ex wife texted me, "Wish you were here."
She does this every time she walks through a cemetery.

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I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you."
I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

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Better to have loved a short person than never to have loved a tall.

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My wife just told me that next time I criticise her cooking, I can fry my own salad.

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[Old_Geezer]

Fried salad... now that might be worth trying.

[Hopkirk]

My Mum requested a salad once when she was in hospital, and they supplied it.

Unfortunately someone put it in the hot trolley with the other meals