Man trouble!

[Rubyrose]

Ok we all know guys are confusing but this is taking the p!ss!

There is someone I like and have liked for months and we get on great and things have been up and down between us. We are good mates but sometimes we take it further. The way I have felt about them has been pretty consistant and hasn't changed much but they seem to be up and down. They know I like them and they continue to tell me that they only like me as a mate but if there situation was different then there might be a chance. But what I don't understand is.. why does this person constantly need to ask me what my feelings towards them are, only to continue telling me that they don't feel the same. Its like they need to be reminded of how much I like them.

The last few weeks I started to realise this and me and this person just ended up rowing all the time so I took some time out and decided not to speak to him for a week. Then we started chatting again and I realised that maybe my feelings for them had changed as I spent a week away from them and it didn't bother me. I was fine and missed them as a mate to chat to but realised I can easily manage without them there. But when I told them this.. they kept asking about my feelings for them again and asking if I loved them, blah blah blah. Everytime a slight bit of feeling was let out on my part they would say 'But I don't feel the same way. We are just mates now'!!!!! Whats going on? I am so confused!

[dot.hawkes]

Ah leave em to it and move on, if it takes this much writing space it's too much like hard work.

[Rubyrose]

Dot, you may be right there but we will call that 'Plan B'.. Lol

[dot.hawkes]

well mind games are the work of a selfish and self-important bloke

[mrrobbo15]

awwww, seems very complex. ive no idea of the correct answer, but have u asked him how he feels about you first....when he says as friends....just say, 'thats the way i feel too'....see what reaction you get

most important thing is...be in control

....and good luck x

[Rubyrose]

If I ask him how he feels and he says just mates, then I say me too.. he quizzes me on it and tells me he doesn't believe me!

Being in control is easier said than done with this one! Trust me. :o)

[angie26]

Sounds to me like he's one of those types who just likes to here how wonderful he is, it knocks his ego for 6 when you begin to loose interest.

[B00]

Ahhhhh Rosie, you know my feelings on this one!

Leave well alone girly- aint doin' you no good.

With love

Mama Boo (lol)

[Rubyrose]

My thinking exactly Angie. But I also tell him this and he tells me I am being silly!

Boo.. :o( I know.. I know. I am silly. Girl needs her cyber mum at a time like this. Lol

[Roughquest]

Dearest Rubyrose,

Men are strange aren't they? I sympathize with you wholeheartedly on this one chicken. I also have a very nice male friend we have slept together on a few occasions, but he keeps saying he can't give me what I want, he finds me attractive and all that jazz, yet he wants to kiss me and slop and stuff, but lately I have put a stop to all that, and he is still around, we don't talk about feelings at all, and he keeps going on about commitment..which is a weird word.....I just go with the flow now, and am playing hard to get with him, yet he will come out with strange phrases like 'kiss me'....and stuff, I don't know where I am with him, but like I said I am just being a cold fish with him, no emotion, hard to do, but I am testing the water....see what effort he puts in.....

RQ xx

[kazzianne]

Hi Ruby - it sounds like he just likes to hear how much you like him,even when he doesnt feel the same,and when you had a break and felt that you could cope with this it dented his ego,and so he asks you again and again whether you still like him as much!!

I would ask him why he keeps asking how you feel when he doesnt feel the same - and say to him that if he doesnt have those kind of feelings for you then why on earth does he care how you feel!!

[bobtheturkey]

some blokes get a kick out of being fancied and need to be told so every 5 mins, its a sure sign of insecurity, the fact that you didn't miss him when you were apart is a sure sign that's its just a novelty thing on your part which is wearing off, next time he asks tell him no i don't id rather snog rab c nesbitt you attention seeking nipple :)

[country_boy]

Sounds like he's attached and you're his fall back and ego stroker, he's worried if he verbalises his feelings you'll expect him to leave to be with you. I don't think he knows what he wants. How does he react when you talk about or date other men?

[~Wingnut~]

Hi Ruby!

Thing is it's only 5 months (I think I remember you saying) since you split from your long term boyfriend. You are still vunerable & prehaps emotional still from the split. This guy is tweeking on your heart strings and by saying "If things were different" he is implying that there still could be a chance whilst keeping you hanging on . He's hoping you'll keep stroking his ego for as long as he feels the need for you to do so, then he'll probably move on.
It all depends on whether you want to be around a person like this, I understand after such a long relationship from a very young age you want to have a bit of fun, fair play to you, go for it! but with this guy? You have proved to yourself you don't need the twonk after the week apart, he proved he needs you there to tell him how great he is and how much you like him whilst keeping himself in control of the friendship by knocking you down each time. The Berk! Get rid and have fun with someone less complicated :o)

[Rubyrose]

RQ - Its bloomin confusing ain't it!

Kazzianne - I never get a straight answer from him. I can ask a thousand times and each time I will get a combination of 'take the p!ss' answers!

Bob - Very true hun.. but Rab C Nesbitt? Ewwwww!

Country boy - You well and truly hit the nail on head there! I don't tend to talk about other guys as much coz there aren't any right now. If I do sort of mention someone then he normally tells me to 'go for it' and tells me that he thinks they are a kn0b or something like that!

Wingnut - How very true! I wish I could just leave but we are also good mates and it started out as mates before it was anything else. I guess I am destined to be a 'hang on' until I get my wake up call!

[mycats]

Aw hon, I cant believe this is still going on!! You are fabulous and dont need this crap! To hell with men, run away with me instead ;-) lol

[kazzianne]

Ruby - just say to him " if you dont give me a straight answer then im not gona answer anything you ask either" but keep it light hearted.So when he next says "Do you really like me?" say "im not answering till you answer the same question yourself!!"

[Rubyrose]

Lmao.. Ok Cat. Lets go. Where we heading?... Oooh I'm so excited. A road trip. Are you gonna bring those damn drums? ;o)

[country_boy]

When he says go for it, he's testing you and when he says he's a knob he's thinking that person may be right for you!! Tricky but if I were you I'd put my foot down and let him know you're not going to be his squeeze and you're not into game playing. If the situation was different would he be faithful to you anyway?

[Rubyrose]

Kazzianne.. I don't think I will answer his Q's from now on. I shall be strong. :o)

He is so going to read this thread and kick my @rse. Lol

[Rubyrose]

Country boy - I think you are right! You are good at this and even if we were ever to end up together, which I very much doubt would happen.. No. I don't think he would be faithful to me!