Crosswords1 min ago
An update on yesterdays question: What do i do next?
8 Answers
Firstly let me say thanks to you all for all your input, esp badgerchops as you really did seem to see things from my side too and your speech to text did work well, so thank you very much (I owe you a beer or two!!)
So where are we with it all?
She finally phoned last night, but there was no real love in her voice, just stone coldness
But we did arrange a mutual time to meet in a car park so she can give me my stuff today, although she did warn that her "heavy mob" would be here too, but I have decided to go alone as im sure they wouldn't do anything on a Saturday afternoon in Tesco carpark.
Then she was throwing accusations at me left, right & centre (which suppose I deserved). She said she can never trust me again and that she cant be in a relationship like that etc etc. However, after about 10 mins of this she did calm down a little and once I got in a little of my side of the story, she did start saying stuff like "how good it and we used to be". Basically I just said that over time I would try all I could to prove to her how sorry I am and that I do love her and that in time hopefully she will trust me again. (however as pa__ul said, im still not convinced this other guy isn't more than just a friend � but that not for me to worry about at the moment and is another story).
So basically my next question is the age old one, how do I convince her? Where do I start? And if she won't see me, where do I go from here?
I know I can't false her into anything and wouldn't even try to, but I do love her so much and feel this would be such a waste of something great.
Once again, Thanks for all your help.
So where are we with it all?
She finally phoned last night, but there was no real love in her voice, just stone coldness
But we did arrange a mutual time to meet in a car park so she can give me my stuff today, although she did warn that her "heavy mob" would be here too, but I have decided to go alone as im sure they wouldn't do anything on a Saturday afternoon in Tesco carpark.
Then she was throwing accusations at me left, right & centre (which suppose I deserved). She said she can never trust me again and that she cant be in a relationship like that etc etc. However, after about 10 mins of this she did calm down a little and once I got in a little of my side of the story, she did start saying stuff like "how good it and we used to be". Basically I just said that over time I would try all I could to prove to her how sorry I am and that I do love her and that in time hopefully she will trust me again. (however as pa__ul said, im still not convinced this other guy isn't more than just a friend � but that not for me to worry about at the moment and is another story).
So basically my next question is the age old one, how do I convince her? Where do I start? And if she won't see me, where do I go from here?
I know I can't false her into anything and wouldn't even try to, but I do love her so much and feel this would be such a waste of something great.
Once again, Thanks for all your help.
Answers
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sorry forgot to say, this is the link to my orig. question:
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion335523.html
thanks
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion335523.html
thanks
There is no magic script that you can use that will persuade her to change her mind at this point. In my experience, once someone has made up their mind about a relationship, and particularly girls, then I'm afraid thats it.
You can make a genuine, hearfelt apology for being a prize ass, tell her that you still have feelings for her, and then its up to her... tell her that if she wants to talk about it some more, or if she thinks there is any prospect of rescuing the relationship to call you... but the point is, you have to accept that the ball is in her court now.
You have to move on with your life, on the basis that you wont be getting back together. And do try to remember not to stroke your own ego in the future by attempting to make someone jealous just to show you how much you are loved.
You can make a genuine, hearfelt apology for being a prize ass, tell her that you still have feelings for her, and then its up to her... tell her that if she wants to talk about it some more, or if she thinks there is any prospect of rescuing the relationship to call you... but the point is, you have to accept that the ball is in her court now.
You have to move on with your life, on the basis that you wont be getting back together. And do try to remember not to stroke your own ego in the future by attempting to make someone jealous just to show you how much you are loved.
Hi lilacben
Cant really say all went well, i'm affraid. we met at the car park and it turned out to be just her on her own.
We had a chat for about 20mins, but she was stone cold towards me, and was saying stuff like she could never trust me again etc. but there were some glimmers of hoe in the conversation.
since then i have texted her a few times and only got back texts. she wants me to write an email to her talking to her about it all and my state of mind when i did what i did and why.
i really dont know what to say or where to start and you can never get over your true feelings in an email.
where do i start?
i love her so much and need her in my life so badly, but im not sure if that is going to be enough for her.
any suggestions?
Matt
Cant really say all went well, i'm affraid. we met at the car park and it turned out to be just her on her own.
We had a chat for about 20mins, but she was stone cold towards me, and was saying stuff like she could never trust me again etc. but there were some glimmers of hoe in the conversation.
since then i have texted her a few times and only got back texts. she wants me to write an email to her talking to her about it all and my state of mind when i did what i did and why.
i really dont know what to say or where to start and you can never get over your true feelings in an email.
where do i start?
i love her so much and need her in my life so badly, but im not sure if that is going to be enough for her.
any suggestions?
Matt
Matt , sorry it didnt turn out as you would have liked. Are you sure your relationship was ok to start with.? You didnt give her any ideas other than this one night did you.? I really think it seems strange. I know you are now kicking yourself over it .Have you given her any other reason to finish with you.? If this is really the first time you have ever done anything like this then just admit to her what a real idiot you have been and that she is the only one you want. It was the drink talking and that although at the time you thought it was ok to tease her you realise it was very cruel. And things like this shouldn't be made a joke of. Let us know what happens. Just hope you have learnt your lesson and will not do this again. Good luck. Brenda
Hi Mate,
Glad i was some help on your last post.. lets see if i can this time
At least she did agree to meet you, and although it was a cold meeting, at least it was a meeting. She could have stood her ground and not met you so thats good. Basically if she wants an email (although i dont know why she wants it writing) and you want her back then you need to do as she says). The ball is in her court as you are the party wanting her back at the moment. it all depends on her and how , as you said, you convince her that she still loves you.
I think you need to apologise and tell her of your sincere sadness but do not get to the point of grovelling. If you get down and kiss her feet almost then you will never get equal footing in the relationship again. it will always haunt you and thats no life.
I think you should email a very simple email and say:-
'I am in complete turmoil on where to start. A simple word of 'sorry' does not cover the pain i have caused you over the last week. I have been beyond a fool and cannot believe i have hurt the woman i truly love. I miss you terribly and would love to be able to talk some more with you. Things have been fantastic with us in the past and i would hate to think that this stupid error of mine would put a stop to us being potentially happy for the rest of our lives. You are my everything and to lose that crushes me. Can we please get together and talk some more? I love you and apologise sincerely from my whole heart.
That should help ya a bit..... its then time mate, patience and time to let her think. Let her miss you basically !!
Glad i was some help on your last post.. lets see if i can this time
At least she did agree to meet you, and although it was a cold meeting, at least it was a meeting. She could have stood her ground and not met you so thats good. Basically if she wants an email (although i dont know why she wants it writing) and you want her back then you need to do as she says). The ball is in her court as you are the party wanting her back at the moment. it all depends on her and how , as you said, you convince her that she still loves you.
I think you need to apologise and tell her of your sincere sadness but do not get to the point of grovelling. If you get down and kiss her feet almost then you will never get equal footing in the relationship again. it will always haunt you and thats no life.
I think you should email a very simple email and say:-
'I am in complete turmoil on where to start. A simple word of 'sorry' does not cover the pain i have caused you over the last week. I have been beyond a fool and cannot believe i have hurt the woman i truly love. I miss you terribly and would love to be able to talk some more with you. Things have been fantastic with us in the past and i would hate to think that this stupid error of mine would put a stop to us being potentially happy for the rest of our lives. You are my everything and to lose that crushes me. Can we please get together and talk some more? I love you and apologise sincerely from my whole heart.
That should help ya a bit..... its then time mate, patience and time to let her think. Let her miss you basically !!
PLUS....
You asked me to clarify why I did it and to be honest that is the biggest question I have been asking myself. Firstly and not as an excuse but I had been out drinking and in a jokey mood after being out with my friends. Mainly I would say it was because I have never felt this way about someone before and I guess I said such a stupid thing to test the relationship and to see your reaction. Past that, I don�t have any excuses apart from being a fool and hurting you. I have lost your trust but please understand that this was only a �joke� and there is no truth whatsoever to my claims
You asked me to clarify why I did it and to be honest that is the biggest question I have been asking myself. Firstly and not as an excuse but I had been out drinking and in a jokey mood after being out with my friends. Mainly I would say it was because I have never felt this way about someone before and I guess I said such a stupid thing to test the relationship and to see your reaction. Past that, I don�t have any excuses apart from being a fool and hurting you. I have lost your trust but please understand that this was only a �joke� and there is no truth whatsoever to my claims
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