Worst News

[EngTeach]

As some of you know I was waiting for my mother's oncologist to give us direction for her further care. After some more tests he feels that further chemo, etc. would not work and would really wipe her out. While I was not shocked by this, it still is upsetting. We are having in home hospice care now. I feel an odd sense of relief that we have an end in sight, but then feel guilty for feeling that, but it has been a long three years, and I HATE seeing her this way. She is still alert, but physically depleted.

BTW being home with her this summer is how I discovered AB and it has served as a great distraction and some good laughs. Too bad about the time difference!!!

[Goodsoulette]

Sorry to hear that. I hope things go and smoothly and as stress free as is possible in those circumstances.

Best wishes to you and yours x

[EngTeach]

Thanks Good Soulette

[bigmamma]

My thoughts are with you and your dear mum and I totally understand you feeling as you do . Any time you want we will listen to you and be here for you love , do you have any support where you are ? xx

[Redbel]

My thoughts are with you EngTeach
God Bless xx

[Marvelman]

EngTeach, i have been through the same ordeal with my dear mother, you have nothing to feel guilty about as the feeling is normal as you know the truth about the illness, i just hope that you keep strong and are able to cope with the stress of the situation, my thoughts are with you at this sad time.

[EngTeach]

Thank you all for your well wishes and thoughts. I do have some support but am pretty much sole care and financial giver. My mother's friends and boss have been fabulous. My mom has undergone almost three years of treatment and her boss has kept her on full pay!!!!

Tonyted-I have seen others post similar things and saw how compassionate the B &S ABers are. I'm sorry if my post bothers you!!

[jno]

I don't know about you, tonyted, but I have found that many people of my age have found themselves with aged and ailing parents. 100 years ago this was rare; people died in their 60s, when their children were in their 30s. Now those in middle age find themselves simultaneously caring for three generations: their own, their children and their parents. My experience of my own mother's later years is very similar to EngTeach's, and she has my full sympathy. (Many other people I know actually have it worse: parents who are physically fit but whose minds are starting to go.)

[jno]

then you don't have to share it, tonyted. But please don't criticise those who think otherwise; that too is something that could be kept to yourself.

[Redbel]

tonyted....I didn't think by reading your reply that you where being offensive, yes it is personal....but no one posts in their real name, so it's nice to have a place to come and just say what you are feeling and also to know that there is always someone out there with a kind word or reassurance.
my thoughts are with you too tonyted xx

[FUZZYBEE]

My dear mum was ill for 15 years or more and died when she was 63 and I was 32, not with cancer but various other problems (brain haemorragh, stroke(s) heart attack and eventually pneumonia. There were times when I would hope and pray that she would make it , but equally I do remember the times when I just wished she would slip away, she used to have horrible tests done like lumbar puncture and I just wanted to grab the doc's and nurses and say STOP IT she's had enough, then you go home and come back the next day and she's sitting drink bl@@dy tea and dunking biscuits!! It used to be such an emotional rollercoaster and you would be perfectly normal in having a sense of relief with the fact that she may well pass away soon. I would give anything,anything just to hear my mum's voice again but I didn't want her to suffer anymore, it's a bittersweet feeling. Just do one thing, even if your not the lovey type and maybe didn't even have a particular close relationship with her.........tell her you love her.
For me there is no love like a mothers love.
Thinking of you and all you others on here.
fuzzy x

[rabbitygirl]

EngTeach, I did all I could for my Dad in that situation amidst some very difficult family situations. I felt guilt at unreasonable things, that I could never do enough, but knew it was part of the process. His needs made me strong against it all. I wanted afterwards to feel proud of what I'd done to help Dad and guilt would not be a part of my memories. He appreciated and loved me and beneath it all we had rewarding times.

A few years on now and my memories are of the good stuff and not the bad. I am still proud of how I supported him and no regrets about anything. I hope after the initial loss and sadness (and yes relief too) you will also look back in the same way.

[EngTeach]

Thank you all for sharing your stories and identifying with my emotional ride. I am very close to mom and have spent three summers home caring for her and this time is special. Thanks again.

My well wishes to Tonyted and others experiencing this now as well.