am i being unreasonable?

[dan no1]

I have been out of work since the beginning of july and i live with my mum and my sister. this is the first time in 6 years i have not had a job and i've been looking very hard but not been successful. i'm 21, been working since i was 15. anyways me mams just told me i owe her 3 months rent - about 400 smackers. i think she's being unreasonable because of the following reasons:

1. My brother was an alcoholic for years and years and she always helped him out no matter what while he was being a complete waste of space, giving him money that he would just go and spend on more beer

2. I have been helping out my mates dad and when i got some money i have her some and i've paid for the weekly shopping several times so its not like i haven't been contribruting.

3. for the first time in 6 years i'm jobless and i think she could help me out a little and give me a bit of support. also it wasn't my fault, i was unfairly dismissed.

am i being unreasonable? if i am, please tell me why

thanks

[cazzz1975]

yes, I think she is being unreasonable, maybe you should ask her where she expects you to find 400pounds when you have no money?

[Beads]

Hi dan, hmmm tricky. Not being 'there' it's difficult to comment.

Putting your bro aside for a moment - perhaps your mum is a bit strapped for cash. Also - are you conveying to her you're doing as much as she can. Perhaps she is worrying about it so said that to put a rocket up your bot? Are you going out and socialising?

All the time you have no �� you need her on your side, so I'd try not to let it get to you at the moment. Try to explain you're finding it hard to get a job but as soon as you get any money it will be in her hand. Ask if when you get a job you can pay her the money over a few months to spread it out...show you're willing and mature.

I know it's tricky because as you say she helped your bro out - but perhaps she was in a different position money wise then.

[dan no1]

she said i can pay her back a bit each month when i get a job but i dont see why i should

[dot.hawkes]

it's all about expectations i am afraid, your mum has always seen you out earning and being supportive on a regular basis your brother is the opposite and so he doesn't disappoint her, but she expects more of you and for you to be the responsible one, this may seem unfair to you and seem as though your brother is once again getting away with doing sod all to help, but at least you can hold your head up and say you have always tried your best .

[Louisa 69]

Hi Dan i agree with Cazzz if your not working then how does she expect you to pay so much i take it you do get job seekers allowance can't you both come to a comprimise as to how much you do pay her . You don't say if your taking any action against your ex employers if it was unfair dismissal then you have a claim against them. Good luck.

[dan no1]

hi louise. yeah i get job seekers - 46.00 a week and with a new car to pay for at 200 a month its not much. my former emplyees paid me off �1000 but i thought it best to keep that to pay for my car for 5 months.

[beryllium]

Hi Dan,

I hope you get a job soon.

Why were you dismissed?

In the mean time? it's back to a jalopy for you sweeetie :) xxx

[dan no1]

thanks beryllium, but i doubt it lol it will cos me a hell of a lot more to get rid of this car and get another.

its a long story but basically my brother was the manager and he left to go to a rival company and they accused of doing things i didnt - giving him new customers names and taking pictures of the place which was a **** hole but i didnt it was someone else who has since confessed. then some other woman (and i dont know whay she was getting involved) started saying she caught in the fridge taking pictures on my phone and she caught me in the office stealing recipes, which is boolocks because my bro was the manager and there wasn't a single recipe he didnt know!

[bednobs]

i think you are both being a little unreasonable
just because you are out of a job does not mean you should live for free. If you were in your own bedsit, your landlord wouldn't accept no job as a reason not to pay rent. Your mum is under no obligation to house you at all, and can in fact give whatever benefits she likes to your brother and dosent have to give them to you or your sister. On the other hand, you cant pay what you dont have can you? I think it would be a really good idea to sit down with her and work out what she wants from you .... maybe she has money problems and has built her courage up over weeks to ask you for some money? Do you do anything all day? It can be hard for someone who's working to come home and find a person who isnt working hasn't tidied up, cleaned the house, cooked the dinner etc. Even if she isnt working it would be reasonable to expect you to cook and clean even if you were paying rent. i would also say its not up to me to tell you what to do, but cant you get rid of the burden of the car (as you will actually be getting less than it costs, not including tax, insurance and petrol) and get a mundane job in macdonalds, or a shop, or cleaning till you find what you want?

[Louisa 69]

Bednobs if he was living in a bedsit he would get full housing benefit. But i agree with you on getting any job until suitable work can be found.
Dan have you tried any of the local supermarkets they're always on the look out for workers i might not be what your looking for but it would pay a hell of a lot more than job seekers.

[bensmum]

Hi dan
Hope you find a "proper" job soon but I have to agree with Louisa here. There are lots of temporary jobs about especially coming up to Christmas which would be better for you. It would also look better to a prospective employer when you do go for something permanent if you have been keeping some sort of job.
Good luck

[hotpink]

you're 21, you should have your own house by now, be more independent and move out. you're mum can have her own life, and you can have yours. if you've been working for 6 years you'll have earnt a fair bit, what have you spent it on? did you not save any money in 6 years? you're mum is not being unreasonable, you live in her house and should play by her rules.

[milliezoe]

Hi dan no 1 thanks for your reply elsewhere i am 59 it took me ten Months to find a decent job dont think you are being unreasonable its all about expectations from your mum take your time and things will come right for you good luck

[New Judge]

Yes, you are being unreasonable - very unreasonable. If you don't know why I'm unlikely to convince you, but here's what you should do:

1. Sell your car. Some answers suggest your mother is being unreasonable because you�ve no money. Not true. You had �1,000 and the value of your car. You chose to keep the car and deprive your mother. You say you�ve no money to pay your mother for your keep so you�ve certainly none to buy petrol, pay off your loan and pay for tax and insurance when it falls due. So you don�t need a car because you cannot afford to run one.

2. From the proceeds pay your mother what you owe her and use the remainder of the money to keep up the regular payments she expects (and deserves). As it dwindles away it will concentrate your mind on point three, below.

3. Get a job. The country is having to ship in vast numbers of immigrants to undertake �vital work�. I�m sure you could undertake some of it yourself. (Or does the thought of having �46 per week pocket money and all your living expenses met by your mother sound more attractive?).

4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It�s your mother, whom you seem to view as some sort of interest-free credit agency, who is worthy of sympathy for having to support a 21 year old. Furthermore, at �133 per month for everything she is undercharging you. Try living alone and see how much it costs.