Need a mans opinion

[unhappychick]

I am writing this for my friend...she was married for 10 years, to a man who was adopted and raised by a family who treated him like the black sheep, they rejected him also, he had insecurity problems and started gambling which resulted in massive debt and loss of home, there relationship broke down and they were seperated for a year...he was very angry with my friend even though it was him that made the relationship break down but eventually asked to be given another chance as he still loved her and admitted his insecurities and promised he would go for counselling which he did do and it helped for a while, he has many issues with rejection and insecurity but stills things were going very well, but all of a sudden he says he started to feel insecure and ended the relationship very abruptly, he has continued to see there son but has continued to be very angry and hurtful towards my friend, he gives mixed msgs and seems confused, his behaviour seems extreme, and her son has said that his dad is distant when he sees him and cries nearly every time he brings him back, this happened on sunday and her ex's reaction was angry and sniggering as though he didnt care that his son was in tears, he didnt even ring later to speak to him and see if he was ok, just went to the pub. He seems to be in denial with himself and from what he has done to my friend and her son, his moods are very up and down, sometimes he comes to the door crying other times he is cocky and arrogant, one minute he'll admit hes got a problem and admits he needs to deal with it, the next he hasnt got a problem and nothing is wrong, what do you think is going on with him?

[jake-the-peg]

I think you know

You told us in the first 3 lines - he has massive (although understandable) insecurity problems and shows no real sign of having overcome them.

[banjobabe]

Hey unhappychick,

Sounds like he is not taking responsibility for his own actions to me.

Bb xx

[unhappychick]

Thanks for your replies! But why is he so angry with my friend, she has done nothing but support him and cared for him? and also he seems angry with his son, could it be that he is jealous of mother and son relationship because of whats happened in his past? Is there anyone else that has experience of people that are adopted? thanks again!

[jake-the-peg]

He probably feels insecure and inadequate and is taking it out on them.

I doubt it's more complicated than that and I doubt there's much she can do to change his behaviour.

People who are insecure often crave power over others and can be quite objectionable in how they get it.

I think you're reading too much into envying the relationship - I don't think he wants a relationship I think he wants to feel in control and getting one up over everybody.

Best advice stay as well clear as humanly possible I'd say