Bad News

[McMouse]

A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition, he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice, especially with all his piercing, scars, tattoos and his big motorbike. But it's not only that I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He also wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.

I've learnt that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the HIV/Aids cure so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it.

No problems about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn �50 a scene. I get a �50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra �100 if they use the donkey. The money will come in very handy for the holiday which Ahmed has booked to Baghdad. Although I haven't passed my driver's test Ahmed has promised to let me drive the car to visit his family who live by the US Army base.

Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'll visit you and Dad so you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Penelope.


PS: Dad, it's not true. I'm watching t.v. with my friend next door. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than:

ENGLAND GETTING BEAT ON F***ING PENALTIES AGAIN.


I love you. Penelope.