passive aggressive notes...

[joko]

whats so wrong with writing a note to someone? surely its better than getting into a big argument with someone over an issue that isnt worth falling out about, but does need dealing with...?

people say its cowardly and say stuff like "at least have the decency to say it to my face", but if the person will just argue and shout, why put yourself in that position?

i think people that make that remark are actually just affronted or emarrassed at being challenged or having some wrongdoing flagged up and are just using that as a lazy excuse to try to belittle or demean the note writer...to make themselves feel better, than it actually having any credence, and to shift the focus of guilt...

i think sometimes a note is the best, kindest, most civilised way of communicating with some people.

(obviously i mean general notes - not abusive or unhinged ones)

what do you think?

(this does not relate to any circumstance - i have just been looking at a site called passive agressive notes)

[ummmm]

I agree 100%...

If I 'confront' my OH he will have a hissy fit...he gets all defensive and storms off and slams doors. If I left him a note...he'd read it and put his point of view across calmly. Which is usually 'sorry'

:-)

[ladybirder]

If it's really important I'm a great believer in writing it down, it's the only way I remember to put all I want to say. Then I leave it for a day and read it through again and make sure I've got the balance right before I send. Face to face, once someone interrupts me I'm finished.

[China Doll]

Erm... Not entirely sure I'm following you... I wouldn't leave a note for anyone at work if they weren't pulling their weight. I'd just ask what the problem was and crack on, I'm generally quite jovial so you'd have to go some for anything I said to be taken the wrong way (unless you work for haringuey social services). I was quite passive - aggressive with a girl at work today who I asked to do something via email and unless she's totally stupid she's got to know that I asked her to do it this way a) because it's her damn job and not mine and I think she's taken the mick out of me once already and b) I can now track that I asked her to do it and on what date. Is that the sort of thing you mean?

With family and friends, I'd probably just say what I think.

[classylady60]

I have to agree that putting things into writing in a clear, concise way will often get the meaning across and will be there for the receiver to mull over at his/her leisure. Don't think there is anything wrong in that and sometimes a written response often helps too.

[China Doll]

I wouldn't be arsed to write it all down... Just get it done and sorted and out the flamming way... But then I'm not generally known for my patience and subltety ;0)

[ummmm]

See my note would consist of something like 'You were a complete Snag last night and you really upset me' and I'd put it 'in' his sandwich to take to work...

[China Doll]

I think I'd only use writing if it was a big row and I wanted to be very clear about what I was saying and if I was confused myself about how I felt, then I can see how writing it might help... Otherwise I just lose my temper and get snipey. I'm a very base person most of the time.

[joko]

i mean all sorts of notes really...from heartflet emotions to please dont eat my food...sometimes a note seems kindest and less 'making an issue' of...some people will become defnsive no matter how jovial an passive you are an even use that against you...others just dont like a note no matter how nice it is...

i have had some experinec myself an one time i ended up the note writer becase she was my friend and driving me utterly insane...doing dangerous things like leaving all the windows wide open all night an going out, leaving broken glass all over the floor, setting fire to things, etc...and it was odd because after she'd set fire to the wire on the toaster, then to the wet teatowel she threw on it...shorted out the house...& i said nothing as it was an accident...i left her a note saying not to use anything in the cuboard above the toaster until id washed, as everything tasted of smoke...an she got angry! even though it was just an informational note!
the list of annoyances i had was a mile long an most i said nothing but sometimes i couldnt and wanted to scream at her..

[joko]

i do often text my boyf with long text when he upsets me as if i confront him he will get defnsive and talk over me and then not really grasp why i am upset...if its something not immediately obvious...such as the reason not being what he did but the fact that he did it at all or something

[joko]

i think also it means you dont lose your temper and say things you dont mean...i have always pondered any note and rewritten to remove any plain nasty tone...

[ummmm]

Mine gets on the defensive too....it becomes a pointless discussion then. You can't discuss things with a defensive person. A note is there in black & white...and it's usually read more than once...so is taken on board more easily I think.

[AB Editor]

Afternoon,

You may enjoy this:

[joko]

haha nice one ed

[rov1100]

Yes you have a point. In a note you can collect together all your thoughts and put them down on paper without interruption, ridicule or even a flaming argument. If the receiver of the note is able to reply maybe the same could be said about their answers.

[bednobs]

i've never really been sure what passive/agressive means

[AB Editor]

Well, you wouldn't

http://en.wikipedia.o...93aggressive_behavior

[bednobs]

i still don't understand it. And very sadly, i can't see your note

[karenmac60]

I know exactly what you mean Joko. I have left a note for someone at work before because a) I knew if I spoke to her in person she'd kick off and b) if I spoke to her privately she'd make up a lot of guff about what I'd said to her (something she has a habit of doing). It backfired though - she binned the note then told the boss I was bullying her! and yes - it's the same woman who slept in :)

[4getmenot]

if you have to write a note and cant just talk it isnt even worth writing a note

[tinkerbell23]

I see the point, but my boss leaves me at least 1 post it note a day and it really really does my box In!!!!

If i ever find who invented the post it...........

I actually hate them now she has every colour of the rainbow...sometimes she only uses half a note grrrr , sticks em on doors, cloths, mugs, anything aarrgghh