word to describe...?

[joko]

sometimes my boyfriend will feel like you 'have' to do something to help, so he doesnt feel like he has done everthing for you, like you have to have done your 'share' and helped clean up...

for instance...he will clear plates but leave one ...just so that person has to 'do' the job to..

or if he makes something for you, he will set it down on the table just out of your reach so you have to get up and get it...rather than hand it to you...its childish and petty i know and doesnt really bother me, (he is OCD with cleaning you see so i kind of expect it) he doesnt make a big deal of it, but i have noticed he just does it...but i wondered if there is a word for it...? or a description?

like a fear that others are gettiing away with something, that you are doing more than your share, and its not fair, and its not equal, like its a hardship that he cant have alone etc.


its kind of subconscious too - but when questioned he'll say dont be lazy, why should i clean up after you...sort of thing...ill say because you are going out to the kitchen anyway and have one empty and hand - and because i am you girlfriend and you should be happy to do me little favours like that...
also because i will take my plate next time i am going to the kitchen - not make a special trip just to take it....

cheers

[snags]

Bizarre...

[samak]

I don't really want to laugh about this because it's serious, but it is ironic. Normally I would expect a guy to be writing this about a girl's behaviour...

[scotman]

He seems to be constantly trying to make the point that he is not your slave. Might your behaviour be causing him to think that is how you look upon him?

[joko]

not in the slightest... and actually i have pulled him up on occasion for little things like only making himself a cuppa or drink etc...i always ask him stuff like that - also i am a veggie and he eats meat so rarely cooks for me... if anything it is me doing stuff for him...i buy the treats etc and he eats it all haha - but i have always been pretty independant like that and tend to do stuff for myself - and if we've eaten, and will often collect whatever needs taking to the kitchen - no matter whose it is...

as i say he is a neat freak and somewhat OCD, and is forever moaning about minor things, like a spoon left out or a few crumbs etc - he feels he does everything round the flat, but its not the case, we do stuff too - just not to the extreme he does...me and his flatmate just laugh, but still its a bit weird...

for instance his new 'thing' is hes decided the shampoo bottles make too much mess and are not to be left on the side of the bath, so are now to be kept on the floor on the other side of the room!...because hes 'sick of scrubbing' (he does it about once a month...

but i need a word for it if you can think of any thanks

[flobadob]

Apathy.

[joko]

apathy?? how does that relate to anything here? i wish he was more apathetic...

[snags]

Fastidious?

[flobadob]

I meant apathy towards you.

[snags]

Fastidious:

1. Very attentive to and concerned about accuracy and detail.
2. Very concerned about matters of cleanliness.

[Francis Asis]

I think the word you're looking for is "infantile"

[joko]

thanks but i want a word to describe the above situation in particular, not his neat freakery

flob...hes not though, im not sure how that could be described that way..

and francis...a word for you would be supercillious

[Francis Asis]

Well thanks. You asked - I was trying to help. Stuff you then.

[chrissa1]

Well, "Bolshie" springs to mind. It's not a dig. The actual dictionary definition is "of a person or attitude deliberately combatative or uncooperative".
I don't think there is a medical term for his behavior but I could be wrong.
Chrissa ducks.

[mike11111]

Bolshie is derived from bolshevik, meaning one who is in the majority. It has come to mean the definition which you offer.

[chrissa1]

Yes Mike, that came next in the dictionary definition but she didn't say he was Russian.

[tamborine]

not being taken for granted ?

[joko]

chrissa, yes that sounds like a possibility....though when people say bolshie they tend to mean bold, brash, argumentative...

i dont know if thats exactly it tambourine - but he does have something of a tit for tat 'totting up' mentality sometimes...such as counting how often he washes up etc
I know its all due to the ocd type stuff, because hes not bothered about other stuff ...just the cleaning...he hates that other people are not as fstaidious as him


how is calling him infantile helping? no francis you were just being a smartar5e.

[rowanwitch]

actually seems like a bizarre manifestation of OCD... I'd test him by putting those shampoo bottles where you need them if he finds it 'distressing' he probably needs help...I suspect its nort about cleaning at all rather than 'the fear of the space being unclean, or becoming increasingly cluttered until it's out of controll if you are finding it difficult to deal with now without proper intervention it will get worse

[potiche]

Appreciate me.
Don't take me for granted
Shareberger's

[joko]

yes rowan, he gets agitated an anxious if things arent neat, he doesnt 'like' cleaning, or clean things over and over, but it winds him up that others dont share his obsession - he wants me to clean up all the time to make him able to relax...

he feels that if theres disorder he cant relax...and the shampoo thing and other stuff is also to do with the fact that he feels like if he doesnt do it, no-one else will.

but in particular i wondered fi there was word to describe the need to be slightly awkward and make things difficult for others in minor ways...the need to not quite help someone... and to feel like others have 'earned' it...to be seen to have not done it all for you...in really silly little ways
its very hard to explain it really

not sure what you mean by that means potchie...i want a word that could use to describe what hes does - to him and others, to explain that aspect without needing an example...