Guy goes to a nightclub and is refused entry by the bouncer. He tells him "You are always trouble and in any case you haven't got a tie on so you can't come in".
The guy goes round the back of the club into an alley and finds an old set of jump leads. Thinks "These will do" wraps them round his neck, ties them in a nice Windsor knot, brushes himself down and goes back to the bouncer on the door.
The bouncer says "I thought I told you you couldn't come in without a tie"
The guy says "Well I've got these as a tie so I think I should be allowed in now".
The bouncer looks at him, sighs and says "All right, you can come in........but don't start anything".